QUOTES-REALLIFE-05 was last updated at Mon Jul 31 16:27:58 2006.
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There were three of us in the car; two asleep, and one in the back playing cards.
DanBlood, describing a trip to Scotland
So you have a daddy board in the kitchen, and a motherboard in the living room.
typo, talking about Ben's "daddy" chopping board
I'm deaf.
Trapper's uncle Alan, when asked what the secret behind his long and happy marriage was
You know, there are no Amish news groups. There's a definate hole in the Internet for the Amish sites.
Morti
Trapper: "I've learned how to sweet-talk network admins. 'I need my account set up, and--- oh, what a nice server!' It works wonders." ben: "Would you like to see my rack?" [mimes opening shirt] nert: "Why, there's enough Cat-5 there to... tie someone up..." pao: "Wow, what a big pen drive you have."
pao: "I'd like to return this blender. It's faulty." Argos assistant: "What's wrong with it?" pao: "It electrocuted me." Argos assistant: "Can you plug it in to test it?" pao: "*You* plug it in." Argos assistant: "Shall I just give you a new one?"
The TV's okay! The TV's okay!
Deeps, after Mike's head crashed through the window behind the TV at his birthday party
I honestly think a good curry is better than sex. I told this to some people and they told me I was clearly not having good sex. I told them they clearly weren't having good curry.
creature
ben: "I like your boobies, and your eyes, and your lips."
Trapper: "You only like me for my outside bits?"
ben: "No! I like your spleen and heart and lungs. In fact, I'll keep
them in a bucket."Jojo: "Where's that funny squiggly thing?" Morti: "You mean the letter S?" Jojo: "... oh, yeah."
I can't trust you with orange squash, I'm not going to trust you with power tools.
Kitty, to Morti
[someone rattles the SE105 door but doesn't come in] Flexo: "They must have gone 'argh, geeks' and kept going." Piglet: "Or the usual one: 'argh, it's not Windows'." Morti: "They probably just caught the smell." [belethcalwen enters] belethcalwen: "It smells in here."
Kitty: "Alex's heart is in the right place." Pyro: "Of course it is. He measures it down to the nearest centimetre."
Lizzie: (With halo of glow sticks) "I've found my calling." Liz: "What? As an idiot?" Lizzie: "Come here, Liz, I'll stab you with a glow stick." [sees policeman] Lizzie: "Only joking. Honest!"
That's now two of you volunteering to be my anomaly.
Tanedra, discussing a survey for her final-year project
Go on then! Suck my forehead!
Kelbelle, about ten seconds before discovering that you can get a lovebite on your forehead, despite her belief to the contrary
You didn't realise he was an underwater swimmer and could hold his breath for hours, not to mention the tongue action from playing the clarinet?
creature's mum, discussing the lovebite on Kelbelle's forehead
Trust the Christians to turn a festival of new life into something about some guy getting killed!
skel, talking about Easter
[Kelly looks for her tobacco tin]
Aqualla: "You could try phoning it. No, wait, it's a tobacco tin, not a
phone."Six regular users of the room discussed it and we all decided we liked socks.
Piglet, discussing the naming of the socks room
I have decided that cufflinks are like a penis: a lot harder to use when nervous.
Glinski
The European Union is an unheard of political beast.
kelbelle, in an essay, refusing to use the word "creature"
kelbelle: "Shall we name our first child Dvorak?"
Beelsebob: "Yes."
SuperMatt: "Well, I'm going to call my first child QWERTY, and it's
going to beat yours up in the playground."We can do a Hitler -- find a relatively small political party and take control -- like Fathers For Justice.
kelbelle, discussing world domination plans
kelbelle: "Hi, the woman over there said you were a nurse. I have a
sore chest, and was wondering what kind of cabbage..."
ASDA woman: "I'm a psychiatric nurse."
Beelsebob: "She needs one of them too."Kitty: "Did you see the pile of books by my bed?" Kitty's aunt Lyn: "I didn't think I actually *saw* a bed..."
Bob: "I'm going to ASDA."
Chris: "I'll come along if you give me a sec... unless you want to go
alone?"
Bob: "Why on earth would I want to go to ASDA alone?"
Chris: "I don't know -- to hang out in the nappy aisle?"Coko: "I've spent a hundred quid on drink this week." Amelia: "It's Tuesday!" Dark-Side: "What's your point?"
[Dan holding a cut-throat razor.] Chris: "What happens if you slip?" Dan: "You cut your nose off."
Kelbelle: "Can I draw you at some point?" Marie: "Yes, but will I have to keep my clothes on?"
Morti: "I was told I should do standup." Kitty: "Did someone need the chair?"
It's a sad day when Apple make your jeans obsolete.
Morti, talking about the iPod Levis
kelbelle: "That's my feminist lecture room." Pyro: "It's quite small." kelbelle: "There are only twelve of us." Pyro: "Yes, but where do they put the cookers?"
FanBoy: "I don't put it in my startup folder." daisuke: "Why not?" FanBoy: "Because I run it every time I log in."
Is Eve Room a Doctor? Oh wait, that's Eye Room. Which it seems I need.
kelbelle, in waiting room
[watching Richard Burton in the War of the Worlds musical]
BleanD: "The lip sync's a bit out."
Mwongozi: "Sod the lip sync! He's got no body! The fact he's talking at
all is a miracle!"[Jonathan talking about getting his pilot's license] Jonathan: "So, are you going to come up in my right hand seat sometime?" typo: "Yes, if you're not too scary." ben: "Where does the priest sit?"
typo: "It's not like there's a gay agenda or anything." Moof: "Get up, look *fabulous*..."
[Overheard by Trapper at school:] Pupil: "I don't have to do PSE, sir!" Teacher: "Then stop disturbing us and PSE off."
MEETINGMAKER is currently available due to a system fault. We are currently working to repair this.
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[in Ashford cinema, waiting for X3 to start, having sat through 25 minutes of adverts] Sky advert: "What do you want to watch?" Random audience member: "X-Men!"
typo: "Where did you come from, Philip?"
red_pill: "Well, you and daddy did a special cuddle which resulted in
you being knocked up."[talking about a Mac application] ben: "Ooh, it's big and throbbing." dmc: "Mine's throbbing too!"
Submissions and corrections to Adam Sampson <quotes@offog.org>