There were three of us in the car; two asleep, and one in the back
playing cards.
	-- DanBlood, describing a trip to Scotland
%
So you have a daddy board in the kitchen, and a motherboard in the
living room.
	-- typo, talking about Ben's "daddy" chopping board
%
I'm deaf.
	-- Trapper's uncle Alan, when asked what the secret behind his
	   long and happy marriage was
%
You know, there are no Amish news groups. There's a definate hole in the
Internet for the Amish sites.
	-- Morti
%
Trapper: "I've learned how to sweet-talk network admins. 'I need my
   account set up, and--- oh, what a nice server!' It works wonders."
ben: "Would you like to see my rack?" [mimes opening shirt]
nert: "Why, there's enough Cat-5 there to... tie someone up..."
pao: "Wow, what a big pen drive you have."
%
pao: "I'd like to return this blender. It's faulty."
Argos assistant: "What's wrong with it?"
pao: "It electrocuted me."
Argos assistant: "Can you plug it in to test it?"
pao: "*You* plug it in."
Argos assistant: "Shall I just give you a new one?"
%
The TV's okay! The TV's okay!
	-- Deeps, after Mike's head crashed through the window behind
	   the TV at his birthday party
%
I honestly think a good curry is better than sex. I told this to some
people and they told me I was clearly not having good sex. I told them
they clearly weren't having good curry.
	-- creature
%
I am single by financial strategy.
	-- Morti
%
ben: "I like your boobies, and your eyes, and your lips."
Trapper: "You only like me for my outside bits?"
ben: "No! I like your spleen and heart and lungs. In fact, I'll keep
    them in a bucket."
%
Jojo: "Where's that funny squiggly thing?"
Morti: "You mean the letter S?"
Jojo: "... oh, yeah."
%
I can't trust you with orange squash, I'm not going to trust you with
power tools.
	-- Kitty, to Morti
%
[someone rattles the SE105 door but doesn't come in]
Flexo: "They must have gone 'argh, geeks' and kept going."
Piglet: "Or the usual one: 'argh, it's not Windows'."
Morti: "They probably just caught the smell."
[belethcalwen enters]
belethcalwen: "It smells in here."
%
Kitty: "Alex's heart is in the right place."
Pyro: "Of course it is. He measures it down to the nearest centimetre."
%
Lizzie: (With halo of glow sticks) "I've found my calling."
Liz: "What? As an idiot?"
Lizzie: "Come here, Liz, I'll stab you with a glow stick."
[sees policeman]
Lizzie: "Only joking. Honest!"
%
They sell ginger ice cream made from local cows.
	-- Ben
%
That's now two of you volunteering to be my anomaly.
	-- Tanedra, discussing a survey for her final-year project
%
Go on then! Suck my forehead!
	-- Kelbelle, about ten seconds before discovering that you can
	   get a lovebite on your forehead, despite her belief to the
	   contrary
%
You didn't realise he was an underwater swimmer and could hold his
breath for hours, not to mention the tongue action from playing the
clarinet?
	-- creature's mum, discussing the lovebite on Kelbelle's
	   forehead
%
Trust the Christians to turn a festival of new life into something about
some guy getting killed!
	-- skel, talking about Easter
%
[Kelly looks for her tobacco tin]
Aqualla: "You could try phoning it. No, wait, it's a tobacco tin, not a
    phone."
%
I have a life... on IRC.
	-- Bel, indignantly
%
Six regular users of the room discussed it and we all decided
we liked socks.
	-- Piglet, discussing the naming of the socks room
%
I have decided that cufflinks are like a penis: a lot harder to use when
nervous.
	-- Glinski
%
The European Union is an unheard of political beast.
	-- kelbelle, in an essay, refusing to use the word "creature"
%
kelbelle: "Shall we name our first child Dvorak?"
Beelsebob: "Yes."
SuperMatt: "Well, I'm going to call my first child QWERTY, and it's
    going to beat yours up in the playground."
%
Given the gags available, kelbelle is the preferred option.
	-- Kitty
%
We can do a Hitler -- find a relatively small political party and
take control -- like Fathers For Justice.
	-- kelbelle, discussing world domination plans
%
kelbelle: "Hi, the woman over there said you were a nurse. I have a
    sore chest, and was wondering what kind of cabbage..."
ASDA woman: "I'm a psychiatric nurse."
Beelsebob: "She needs one of them too."
%
Kitty: "Did you see the pile of books by my bed?"
Kitty's aunt Lyn: "I didn't think I actually *saw* a bed..."
%
That's not using the force! That's using men.
	-- Leah
%
Bob: "I'm going to ASDA."
Chris: "I'll come along if you give me a sec... unless you want to go
    alone?"
Bob: "Why on earth would I want to go to ASDA alone?"
Chris: "I don't know -- to hang out in the nappy aisle?"
%
Coko: "I've spent a hundred quid on drink this week."
Amelia: "It's Tuesday!"
Dark-Side: "What's your point?"
%
I had a kebab last night which inspired an LJ icon.
	-- DanBlood
%
I'm sure Mondeo make more than one type of car.
	-- FanBoy
%
[Dan holding a cut-throat razor.]
Chris: "What happens if you slip?"
Dan: "You cut your nose off."
%
Kelbelle: "Can I draw you at some point?"
Marie: "Yes, but will I have to keep my clothes on?"
%
Leave me alone, skel, I've got beer in my eye.
	-- Piglet, playing Warcraft 3
%
Morti: "I was told I should do standup."
Kitty: "Did someone need the chair?"
%
The fire's on fire!
	-- Morti
%
It's a sad day when Apple make your jeans obsolete.
	-- Morti, talking about the iPod Levis
%
kelbelle: "That's my feminist lecture room."
Pyro: "It's quite small."
kelbelle: "There are only twelve of us."
Pyro: "Yes, but where do they put the cookers?"
%
We're not dealing with binary at all. We're dealing with noughts and
ones.
	-- skel
%
Tomorrowday? As opposed to yester-- no, that works.
	-- FanBoy
%
FanBoy: "I don't put it in my startup folder."
daisuke: "Why not?"
FanBoy: "Because I run it every time I log in."
%
All your Jase are belong to Kolf.
	-- overheard in the rocks room
%
Is Eve Room a Doctor? Oh wait, that's Eye Room. Which it seems I need.
	-- kelbelle, in waiting room
%
[watching Richard Burton in the War of the Worlds musical]
BleanD: "The lip sync's a bit out."
Mwongozi: "Sod the lip sync! He's got no body! The fact he's talking at
    all is a miracle!"
%
[Jonathan talking about getting his pilot's license]
Jonathan: "So, are you going to come up in my right hand seat sometime?"
typo: "Yes, if you're not too scary."
ben: "Where does the priest sit?"
%
typo: "It's not like there's a gay agenda or anything."
Moof: "Get up, look *fabulous*..."
%
Reading is fun now I have no money! I have to do something cheap!
	-- Mari
%
[Overheard by Trapper at school:]
Pupil: "I don't have to do PSE, sir!"
Teacher: "Then stop disturbing us and PSE off."
%
MEETINGMAKER is currently available due to a system fault.
We are currently working to repair this.
	-- Computing Service Alert
%
[in Ashford cinema, waiting for X3 to start, having sat through 25
minutes of adverts]
Sky advert: "What do you want to watch?"
Random audience member: "X-Men!"
%
typo: "Where did you come from, Philip?"
red_pill: "Well, you and daddy did a special cuddle which resulted in
    you being knocked up."
%
[talking about a Mac application]
ben: "Ooh, it's big and throbbing."
dmc: "Mine's throbbing too!"
%