ben: (eating a bacon and egg death sandwich) "Did you hear that?"
Trapper: "No, what?"
ben: "It's as if a thousand voices cried out in terror and then suddenly
    stopped. I think it was my arteries."
%
Syn: "Yeah, because we're really into goat porn."
Alex: "Isn't that legal?"
Syn: "Alex, I want you to do one thing for me. Get consent from a goat."
%
DanBlood: "We're not trying to cheat, it's just a reflex."
%
Lizzie: "So, if everything Disney say isn't true, does that mean 2+2
    isn't 2?"
%
[playing chess]
Kitty: (looks away at the time) "What did you move?"
syn: "Your queen."
%
barakta: (says something inaudible)
purple: "Did you just say Birmingham was minging?"
barakta: "No, I said SPERM was minging!"
%
purple: "I don't think this is suitable conversation for the dinner
    table."
red_pill: "Neither do I. This table is far too young to hear that sort
    of smut."
%
Kitty: "Alex, you're drunk when three people say you're drunk."
Morti: "You're drunk!"
Tiggs: "You're drunk!"
Deeps: "You're drunk!"
[together]
%
All you need now is a bullet-proof map.
	-- Tanedra, discussing a jacket with a map-sized pocket over the
	   heart
%
[looking round the oil and vinegar shop]
typo: "There's so much cool stuff in here. If you want to buy me a
    Christmas present, this would be a good place to choose something."
red_pill: (examining the prices) "So that'll be the paper napkins,
    then."
%
red_pill: "Can you make a 'doom' module for iBot?"
foo: "Yes."
red_pill: "Cool."
foo: "What would it do?"
red_pill: "Um..."
%
Ad: "Yeah, we should organise another #cs meet."
InsomniaCity: "But people like Trapper never come!"
Krenom: "Maybe you're not doing it right?"
%
Lottie: "Dargh!"
Jase: "Dargh?"
Lottie: "Yes. It's like 'argh', but with more 'dar'."
%
Kitty: "I'm starting to think it was a bad idea to sit between these
    two."
typo: "What? Me and my dear daughter?"
Kitty: "Spawn of Satan and Baby Satan."
Trapper: "That's Baby Spawn of Satan, thanks."
%
typo: "Paul Osborne was asking about you yesterday. He asked if you were
    my son and said that you seemed very hyper. He also said that you
    seemed to have a vivid imagination."
red_pill: "Oh, so he's got a high opinion of me, then."
typo: "No, he thinks you're a raving nutter."
red_pill: "Compared to what most people think of me, that *is* a high
    opinion."
%
Berserker: (throwing hands up excitedly) "Dexy's Midnight Runners!"
Ad: "What? Up there?"
%
Beatriz: "Oh, it's so nice to have Richard cooking again"
Richard: (from the kitchen) "Oh, blast!"
Beatriz: "What? Is it burning?"
Richard: "Yes, slightly..."
Beatriz: "Didn't you put the pinger on?"
Richard: "I'm sure I did!"
Moof: "You were saying, Mum?"
[pinger goes off]
%
[Trapper whistles the Carol of the Bells]
ben: "You know what would be really cool? If we lined up a whole load of
    Dell PCs and had them playing that on their speakers."
Trapper: "Why?"
ben: "'Cause then it would be the Carol of the Dells."
%
Life is like a box of chocolates where only the shitty ones are left.
	-- ben, watching Forrest Gump
%
[typo being accosted by a French rude mechanical at a party]
typo: "Moof! Please, tell them something to get them off me!"
Moof: (in Spanish) "She is married, you know."
Rude Mechanical: "Ah, is OK, my wife, she is over there."
%
[typo being accosted by a French rude mechanical at a party]
Rude Mechanical: "So, you see, French is ze language of love."
typo: "Ah, you French. You see, you just can't stop talking about it.
    All you ever *do* is talk about it. We English prefer to just shut
    up and do it."
%
[playing a game where you have to name animals]
syn: "Egg fried rice!"
Kitty: "That's not an animal."
syn: "It is if you leave it for seven days."
%
[on typo's birthday]
Trapper: "I even washed up the pans."
typo: "What? All the ones in the sink?"
Trapper: "No, I don't love you *that* much."
%
Gatport Airwick, the all new fragrance for your home. Experience the
authentic Benidorm smell of suntan cream infused with alcohol fumes
mixed with the heady aroma of kerosene and duty-free perfume!
	-- Atuin
%
She's gone ahead and snuffed it,
Hooray, we're glad she's gone,
She's made her final typo
but her computer still lives on
	-- Trapper, suggesting an obituary for typo on her birthday
%
I'm never going to be that fucking clever, so I'm off to bed, night.
	-- Chris
%
[in Ypres town square; Roy's card has been rejected by a cash machine]
Stefan: "See? This is why Natwest are crap."
Roy: "Which bank are you with, then?"
Stefan: "HSBC -- the world's local bank -- accepted anywhere. That's why
    I use it."
[Stefan inserts his card, and is instantly rejected]
%
I hugged the tree, 'cause it looked like it needed one.
	-- Pyro
%
Apparently I've been idle for 3 minutes and 27 seconds. I don't know
how, though -- I've been fingering myself, so how could I be idle?
	-- Chris
%
Ryian: "I've always wondered about Seraph -- where he's from etc. I've
    heard lots of rumours. I heard he was Canadian..."
Mikerosoft: "Yeah, he is! He's from Leeds!"
%
I'm a virgin. I'm just really bad at it.
	-- Kitty
%
I think I'll start renting myself out to the AGS.
	-- Cutter
%
Peter: "... and I missed the last episode of Doctor Who."
Mario: "Doctor Who? Is that a TV series?"
[stunned silence]
Maria: "Well, have you heard of Daleks?"
Mario: "As in the spice?"
%
Bunny: "Large stuffed crust Hawaiian."
DW: "Individual chicken supreme."
Waitress: "And you, which pizza would you like?"
Rince: "Chocolate fudge cake with extra bacon."
Waitress: "Deep pan or Italian? Oh, wait..."
%
Security guard: "Mrs. Overal, is your name Mary?"
typo: "No, why?"
Security guard: "There's a young man down here, look like Jesus, say
    he's looking for his mother."
%