You two always use me as your porn. -- Celeste, talking to Neil and ducttape % Either he'll take to it like a duck to water, or he'll sink like a duck with detergent soaked into its feathers. -- bUrt % You don't drive round Birmingham. You park on the motorways round Birmingham. -- Janet % I'm quite tolerant with nobs. -- Paul % Phill: "Well, obviously not many people here are getting any." OSarah: "And another one." % Jenny: "Have you seen Mark around?" Paul (returning to office): "Not in the toilet, no." % As long as it is windy, I'll always be able to pull a kite. -- Paul, talking about the difference between spending money on a kite or a girl % Tim: "I had a look for the only copy of that thing, and I couldn't find it." bUrt: "You're going to have to be more specific." Tim: "Well, I can't remember what it is, only that I couldn't find it." % Tim: "What's your feelings on passwords?" Pete: "They're a very good idea." % So what are you doing? Pretend I care or understand. -- OSarah % Vikki: "Let's go!" GeeeZa: "Woohoo!" GeeeZa: "Hang on, I live that way..." % bUrt: "At some point, there will be a security advisory for /bin/true." Tim: "What, there's a buffer overflow and you can make it return false?" % [watching Buffy] ben: "Have you ever noticed that Willow only has one computer? You know what that means? Willow isn't as geeky as Mel." la_haine (to Mel): "Don't listen to him. He's just jealous. He wishes he was as geeky as you too." % Paul: "I'm sure that guy is probably famous to Americans." (whilst gesturing at the TV) Tim: "Erm, Paul, it's Robert De Niro." Paul: "Oh." % [in SBS office] Leon: "There's an e-mail saying all CS staff should keep their handbags in cupboards." Ben: "We don't have a cupboard." Leon: "I don't have a handbag either!" % He sucks the cock, and not in a good way. -- Ramsay % (after a brief discussion about consumer ethics) Robbo: "Well, you're the one wearing Adidas trousers." Mark: "Yes, but I'm not enjoying them." % Life> simulate (new (50,30) []) ERROR - Garbage collection fails to reclaim sufficient space Life> quit ERROR - Undefined variable "quit" Life> exit ERROR - Undefined variable "exit" Life> help ERROR - Undefined variable "help" Life> argh ERROR - Undefined variable "argh" Life> let me out ERROR - Syntax error in declaration (unexpected `}', possibly due to bad layout) Life> north ERROR - Undefined variable "north" Life> kill grue ERROR - Undefined variable "grue" Life> get sword ERROR - Undefined variable "sword" Life> look ERROR - Undefined variable "look" Life> -- found on vindaloo % Can I please have some cockpor-? Erm, popcorn. -- GeeeZa % Matt: "I was never good with big numbers." Ramsay: "We're computer scientists -- we have binary, so we never get to 2". Matt: "Yeah, but I do statistics, and we never quite get to 1..." % ntm: "In Law, it's extremely difficult to get over 70% in an essay, but he'd give high marks for good dissertations." Paul: "You should blow him." ntm: "I don't think he's homosexual, um, and nor am I." % If I had a million sparrows, I would bake me a pie... -- Ben and Mark, to the tune of "If I Had A Million Dollars" % You say potato, I say-- ooh, buy one get one free. -- Paul, getting distracted in Sainsburys while talking about an American friend % apt-get is, quite possibly, the reason I don't need a girlfriend. -- creature % Mozarella is the ultimate fetish item, because it's both rubbery and cheese. -- Ramsay, grating cheese for pizza % Argh, men! -- Foo, in response to Rob annoying him % Fight? *Fight*? I thought that was foreplay. -- Skel, talking about Trapper and ducttape wrestling % Will you stop banging that spoon, before I bang you! -- Trapper, trying to stop Mortuus tapping a spoon on his shoe % Ducttape has spent more time in my bed than my boyfriend has. -- Trapper % Hey, look at that star over there! It's moving! -- Trapper, pointing to an aeroplane % creature: "It's a diuretic. It draws the water out of your body." Sellars: "Where does it go?" % bUrt: "It hasn't turned on." Tim: "Yeah, it's one of these things with a soft-on button." bUrt: "It's still not turned on." Tim: "You probably need to push it harder." bUrt: "Ah, there we go. So it's a hard-on button, then?" % I thought that said "Windows has been installed for your safety". -- SlimeyPete, looking at safety signs on a train % (cooking bolognese) Mark: "I want it cooked for about two minutes after you stop seeing pink." Ramsay: "I never stop seeing pink. I have the Internet." % Ducttape: "Wow, big wood chipping." Allan: "I hate to break it to you, but that's a tree." % Was I here when I left? -- Paul % I think I just deep-throated a piece of toast. -- Creature % Terry: "Civ 3 fucked up my final year." Allan: "Dude, you got a first!" Terry: "Yeah, but I fucked up my first." % ... and the triangle has two sides, with two sides on one side, and one side on the other side... -- Mark, describing a diagram % Oh! I'm terribly sorry! -- foo, turning round in an SF department store and bumping into a mannequin % Mortuus47: [being beaten with chopsticks] Ow! My fingers! padme: Well, you *would* put them in front of your testicles... % [Bowling in Ashford] Sellars: How much is a spare worth? Lindsey: A spare what? % I think the Defiant had some quantum torpedoes, or did it? -- Mark % creature: "What exactly is a circadian rhythm, anyway?" Clarie: "I don't know, you're the musician." % Clarie: "Alex irons all his clothing. He even irons his underwear." creature: "But I only just press my socks so they are flat and fit in the drawer better! It's not like I iron both sides of them!" % You're making me wet. I'd better rephrase that. -- Creature, being splashed with water % I wasn't walking in on you! Your door fell open! -- Creature % Morti: It worries me that you've designed a PHP script just to download porn. Creature: I haven't, it's a perl script. % "Sunray is an international spiritual society dedicated to planetary peace." Hm, that's not quite the documentation I was looking for. -- Pete, looking at sunray.org % [talking about installing Solaris] Darren: "Is it like installing Debian, where you keep pressing Return?" Pete: "No, it's completely different. You keep pressing F2." % I hear you're going out with Ducttape now. May I ask why? -- Mortuus47, to Bethan % [via SMS...] Trapper: "You arrived in Tunbridge Wells yet?" Rah: "No, we got to dartford and headed for canters. We got to north fleet and realised that we weren't going there... Just back on the m25 towards tun. wells :-)" %