UKC Newsgroups quotes, 2003

I heard today that the Website Working Group is shortened to WebWOG,
much to my amusement, given

wog, n. Chiefly British Offensive Slang
Used as a disparaging term for a person of color, especially a person
from northern Africa or western or southern Asia.

I gave it some thought and decided that, although very entertaining, it
was probably better than WEBsite News, Information and Guidance Group
for Expansion and Rectification.

At 6:18am on 22nd September 2003, KentNet became sentient. Sensing the
student population as a threat, it launched an immediate attack on
campus, resulting in the deaths of over 30 million GB of porn on
computers in student halls.

As a countermeasure, the student population in Lent term sent a robotic
sysadmin back from the future to save the last hope for the students;
Raptor.

Unfortunately, KentNet knew about this, and sent its own operative back
through time to remove the one thing keeping the campus 10Mb BNC alive:

THE TERMINATOR.

> Subject: cheap ladies bike!!!!!

Your in the wrong newsgroup. The only way you're gonna sell in here is
if you had stopped your title at the word ladies :)

> On a related note, some neighbour of mine (someone who shops at Asda,
> it seems) keeps on putting their bags of rubbish in our bin, which is
> clearly marked with our house number.  On Sunday, they totally filled
> it up and we don't get it emptied until Friday, grrr.  Is there
> anything we can do about this?

Hide in the bin, and wait.

> Incidently I think some of the overseas students have problems with
> understanding the Msblast problem in English...

Sadly, yes. Fortunately they  seem to quickly grasp the meaning of
'connection disabled', so we'll get there in the end, I suspect.

> RTMF?? Thats a new one :P

'Read the manual, fool' perhaps? Say it like Mr. T. 'I ain't reading no
manual, fool'. 'I ain't getting on no plane, fool'. And so on.

I bought a packet of 5 blank dvd cd's and realised only afterwards that I
needed a dvd writer for them to work. I am therefore selling them for £15.

> I cant believe it the internet is not working again, the one thing i
> like to do between my lectures, there is F all elese to do.... wot
> seems to be the problem, computer services are meant to be genius, but
> no

Do you find that you damage your knuckles as you walk up stairs?

Well, it's simple. Mid-way along the corridor is the CS office, which
isn't the same as the CS office at the entrance to the Octogon. The CS
office at the entrance to the octogon is the CAS office, wheras the CS
office mid-way along the corridor has nothing to do with the other CS
office/CAS office, as it's a completely different sort of CS. Neither
the CS office or the CS office has anything to do with CS, of course,
but I'm told that some members of CS staff do often like a game of CS.
That's CS staff, not CS staff. We're far too busy for that.

One slightly used, yellow, Post-It(tm) note pad. Most of the pad is left,
as I just started it. However, I won't finish it this year, and I really
need cash for airfare, beer.

50p or best offer.

> r dere any vacant rooms in Darwin houses??..i knoe dere r many in
> parkwood but wat bout darwin houses??

azk zee agomodazion oviz

> Geek in training

Do you call Ben "master"?

> What is C0501 anyway?

Operating Systems module from CS2

That's right kids. Next year you have to write an essay

> Yes I saw that too. Its a joke I know but I'm still wondering why it
> was called the Computing Service in the first place. How about
> something like the University Information Technology Service or Public
> Computing Service.  I dunno, I'm no good with names, something like
> that.

Kent University Network Technology Service?

I'm only joking, love you guys, I really do...

> It's not just me who thinks Mungos do awful beer then. All that froth!
> Eurgh!

Legally they shouldn't give you more than 5% head, if however they do
give you a large head, you are within your rights to request a top up.
Likewise you can also request they top it up to no head.

And yes, UKCH bar staff are notorious for giving to much head.

> LOOK UR GETTING ON MY NERVES, I.E PISSIN' ME OFF!
> IF I SPELL IT -HOLA- ITS BECAUSE I WANT IT SPELT -HOLA-, STOP F&&KIN*
> WITH ME!

Don't you take that tone with me, young man!

Anyway, its not like I actually understand all that communist stuff,
when phil says 'communism', I hear 'shopping', when he says 'marx', I
hear 'manolo shoes' and when he says 'fascism', I hear 'fluffy cute
kittens'. After all, I'm just a girl.

> One large pink elepant, approx 150ft as part of fringe cabaret
> circuit.Indian model.One careful owner. Genuine reason for sale, owing
> to retirement and ill health.  Willing to accept offers in region of
> 13000 Eccues or thereabouts.  Might consider swap for flamingo or
> caribu.

ukc.food

and its not obsessive, its a homage!

> Ok, so what are miscers favourite deviations from the basic recipe?

Flying a jumbo jet from 35000ft to the ground in a vertical dive normally
results in a spectacular pancake.

> You'd think the computing services would warn us about the disruption this
> morning. I had to do other things such as laundry this morning and really
> needed the internet as I have an assessement due in tomorrow and now it
> looks at though I'll be up until midnight doing it.

So putting it in the alert, the Message of the Day, and posting to
ukc.service wasn't enough for you?

> No, dep, as usual you are just wrong.

One word, ladies and gentlemen. One word that will make your lives so much
better. Love this word, cherish it. Apply it to those who irk you, and
make you uptight. Slap it quietly upon the posts of those who seek to wind
you up, and bait you with their semi-truthful claims. Mutter it under your
breath in the depth of night, and let its talismanic charms protect you
from stupidity, ignorance, and bigotry wherever on Usenet you wander.

Sieze the word, embrace it. In a world of uncertainty, this word is
present whichever newsreader you choose to employ. It will lower your
blood pressure, save you from needless stress, and make sure you spend
less time on misc. Use it to make your own world a better place.

The word, ladies and gentlemen, is "Killfile".

> Anywhere in UKC where I could practice archery?

Lectures?

> > f**k off
> No f**k U

**** ******* **** ** ***** ******** *** *** !!

**** ****...

***(***** *** ****** ***)

>> ***(***** *** ****** ***)
> You did what to the duck?!

I think that sentence was supposed to rhyme.

Spell it right, I find your miss spelling offensive.

Subject: WANTED: Large slimey fish

Must be suitable for slapping a housemate round the face,
preferably a Salmon or a Cod.

Does anyone want to buy a free bed?

> please do not swear on ukc misc you are breaking the rules of code
> 2.70d and this is not allowed at all.

No, I am not. The War Against Terror (TWAT) is a perfectly usable acronymn.

If however you have an objection, report me to helpdesk@ukc.ac.uk.

Or you can email me dt@fuck-wit.org.uk

> ...!!  ...!!  ...??  ...??  ...!!

Exclamation points and question marks are currently rationed due to the
great ASCII drought of 2003; please don't use two at the end of
everything you write.

> Subject: www. t h e w a r o n g e e k s .com

Before you take it upon your self to wage a holy Jihad against the
geeks, remember who we are.

We run your mail, your news, your web, ISP, your phones service, the
internet, your union, your department, we mark your work, we take you
lectures.

In short, Without us, you can't exist in the way you do. Remember this
before offending a whole swathe of people.

Mark Ellis, Darren Chapmen, Paul Osbourne, All geek sys admins, all who
might be offended by your posts, all witht he power to seeme you.

Think about who you pick your fights with. Its common sense.

> I'm correct and you know why

What a top quality arguement.

Darren - And my dads bigger than yours?

Ian made clear that he works for Computing Service which is not related
to Computer Science (save for sharing the building - but then of course
Computing Service are in the Cornwallis South building and we (Computer
Science) are in the Computing Laboratory),  so please do not try and
confuse the two as it merely makes things confusing for the rest of us
(ie Computer Science and the rest of campus users and not of course
Computing Service).

> Heaven forbid they come up with a better solution; best just to attack
> anyone who complains!

Because that's just it; they're all lazy, useless, unskilled admins,
blowing the department's budget on donuts and scifi books. It couldn't
possibly be that other solutions are flawed, or overly complex, or
unreliable, or unmaintainable, or unexpandable, or just too expensive.

> On level four, I see signs all around, telling me that I am under
> surveillance.
>
> I however, can't see any cameras. So good Miscers, is this propaganda?

The cameras are built in to the monitors of the PCs and are triggered on
login. Depending on who you are and whether or not we are interested
they also trigger your key presses to be logged to a central database.

It makes reading all of your email so much easier and when monitoring
what websites you look at an image of your face can sometimes explain so
much.

Padme - if ignorance is bliss, dep must be consistantly orgasmic

Subject: Free vauxhall vectra

[...]
This car comes free when you by the ignition key for £1695

Large cardboard box looking for new owner.  Previous use as a
monitor-transporter.  Suitable for holding small children or animals.
One careful owner.  Near new, free to good home*.

* Small children and animals not included

> > how about some westy?
> What is westy?

It's a kind of root vegetable, like necrophilia.

> Why can't I send an email to this type of address @yahoo.com ?

Is your computer plugged in?

THE MISTYPED CONSPRACY
----------------------
 A play in five acts

Dramatis Personae:
* MOOF - erstwhile organiser of this jaunt. Member of the Parish of Boadilla
* BIRTHDAY GIRL - the celebrant, who suspects *something* is going on.
* LIZZIE - Daughter of the BIRTHDAY GIRL and lead conspirator
* PHIL - Son of the BIRTHDAY GIRL, a conspiracy in his own right.
* BEN - fiancé of LIZZIE, also Bastard Operator from Hell.
* FOO - Husband of RAH. likewise Bastard Operator though from a higher
and less important circle of hell
* RAH - Egyptian God of the SUN. Married to FOO
* BETHAN - member of the parish of northerners

Unconfirmed participant:
* ARCTURUS - Deviant extraordinaire

Supernatural beings:
* THE LION KING - mythical beast who likes to make a song and dance
about his actions

Incredible beings:
* EASYJET - incompetent orange devil with a penchant for flying.
* Full cast of PUBLICANS, LOCALS, PIZZA COOKS, WAITERS, and other LONDONERS
[...]

> Anyone doing takeaway papers
 
Yeah, I am. Not looking forward to the Okacbasi module at all.

> malaka,i ekdosi tou msn pou exoume den mpori na xrisimopiithi pleon
> mesa sto panepistimio...tora ti kanoume?

While you have raised some pertinent issues here, me, I do have to
disagree with the sentiments expressed as a whole.  I for one believed
the acting to be superb throughout.

I found a Backstreet Boys CD in Eliot. If it belongs to you e-mail me
and tell me what album it is to get it returned.

If there is no reply I will have to do the humane thing and destroy it.
With fire.

when i had an exam in darwin they informed us at the beginning that if there
was a fire the sports hall would be evacuated!?!?

> A problem has occurred, on quite an old pc running windows 98 200MHz
> etc, every time caps lock is pressed the keyboard no longer works.
> Lights are still on, and different keyboards have been used, any
> thoughts would be appreciated

Caps lock is a blight on humanity. By voluntarily killing itself
whenever you press it, your PC is doing you a favour.

> Caps lock is a blight on humanity.

One place where capslock is clearly useful is for those miserable folk
who write legal disclaimers.

> I have a room four rent 5 mins from campus

Hm i dont need a four, but have you got a room three rent?

The salad bar in Rutherford can only be described as avant-garde.

> How long is the exam?

297mm long, probably. 210mm wide.

I need to get rid of gerbils, as i have them by the bucket load.

DESK LAMP
99% Brand New

> I've just been to the venue, waited for half an hour.  4 bands turned
> up, no judges or anyone. There was no PA or drumkit set up.  I don't
> understand what's going on.

Sorry, just found them upstairs.

One slightly battered caravan (must be collected by tomorrow). Nice
roomy interior if a bit grubby. No rent, ideal place for summer. Door is
a bit goosed but can be repaired. Also smells of hippies but nothing a
good airing cant eliminate. Will throw in free didgeridoo for whoever
takes it. Ideal for poverty stricken students/bums   Assorted hippy
accessories also provided(Spices, hat, dangly things). Dog on a length
of string not included.  All (I mean all!) offers considered.

> wot  happens if i have set my zonealarm to block newton, like i have the
> past 2 days?

You see all those pencils, books, and various things in your room that
have started floating around and cluttering up the ceiling?

> on a side note, sometimes when im looking at misc (and nothing else ..
> not word, not my inbox, not internet explorer, not comphelp) the monitor
> creates a high pitch sound... i can attribute it to viewing the window
> maximized, but not much else

It's screaming. It'll go away when you unsubscribe from misc.

> I thought that all teams started off the same size at the start.
> Or am I THAT out of touch with the game?

You are indeed out of touch. As any well informed fan knows, Greece
started the tournament as a size 76, whereas France fot instance, was a
very elegant size 84, which flattered the team. The Czechs were a
somewhat burly but quite attractive size 86, whereas Italy and Spain got
measured completely wrong before the tournament and couldn't fit
properly, as they proved to be smaller than the size they were supposed
to be. The English of course had to do it their way and arrived as a
size 14 3/8 (imperial), making everyone else cursing and running for
conversion tables.

Jelly needn't simply be eaten. Use it to make fake breasts so big
you can use them like a bouncy castl...

NOW I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR MY 21ST BIRTHDAY PARTY

Hey- does anyone know who won the battle of the DJ's this year?
Couldn't make it to the competition as I was in a car crash.