UKCIRC quotes, 2003

<supermum|toohot> no the couple in question had kids at my wedding in 1980
<TheLib> wow. Did it distract everyone from the ceremony?

<Mortuus47> Woo! MPlayer's finished compiling on the SPARC
<Rorschach> it'll never work ;)
<Rorschach> "Error type 352: WTF are you on, trying to run mplayer on me. I was obsolete before mplayer was a pipe dream, f00"?

<padme> um-bungo was *alright*
<Morti> I drank Um Bongo at church a little while ago
<archmoo> Morti: have they been trying to update the communion? I spose that's fair enough, I mean wine and bread is so passe.
<Moof> ribena and jaffa cakes

* Moof headbangs to enya
<haine0r> pfft
<haine0r> bet you're playing Myst as well
<Moof> well, I've got the Riven soundtrack up next
<ben> 1997 called
<ben> they want their games back

<Robbo> she looked mean
<Robbo> and i'm only in my pants
<creature> But who doesn't look hard in Y-fronts?
<creature> Perhaps I should rephrase that.
<creature> I'm sure the sight of you in your Y-fronts would be very menacing.

<Robbo> did it occur to you moof, that when you were in australia, you could have called yourself "woot"?

<Morti> Best way to ensure a girl loves you forever, take the case off her computer, whack a base install of Debian on it and insist that it's for her own good :-P
<Fox> are you single Morti?
<Morti> Yes :(

<GeeeZa|london> someone should write a great big evil book of acronyms, and callit the Acronymnicon

<Paul> writing my paper about inferring social networks on irc at the mo
<ClydeFrog> maybe you would do better writing it in word?

<la_haine> and they should have freedom of religion
<la_haine> well
<la_haine> freedom *from*

<Trapper> azz: you should know that my mother has just
<Trapper> ]
<_2sc> all by herself?
<_2sc> an *entire* square bracket?

[stella is Trapper's evil boss]
*** stella [Trapper@dm-16905.cable.ubr02.croy.blueyonder.co.uk] has joined #minkees
*** mode/#minkees [+b *!*Trapper@*.cable.ubr02.croy.blueyonder.co.uk] by Trapper
*** stella was kicked from #minkees by Trapper [OUT! OUT YOU DEAMON!!!!]
* Trapper feels better now
* Trapper notes she banned herself
<Trapper> oops

<Morti> Transexuals are great
<Morti> Society is coming to accept them more and more
<Morti> But "Does she have an erection?" is still a fun thing to say

* Sellars notes that alcohol and lizzie have met a couple of times recently
<KyserSoze> alcohol always comes off worse.. poor alcohol
<Morti|Quake2> I dunno, both get completely drunk
<Sellars> but i bet alcohol can spell its name properly

[talking about the "washing machines live longer with skel|gone" quote...]
<padme> ironically enough it was he and allan that pulled out the washing machine at 19b and lfoded the floor
<padme> so maybe it's true

[aftermath of foo's stag party...]
<Rah> i've had to take the make up off
<Rah> and you lot are ridiculous
<Rah> its a skirt not a flipping bandan
<skel> ahh... through sickness and in health ;D
<Rah> WE'RE NOT MARRIED YET

<lambda> who's jenna jameson?
<Jibbler> lambda!
<Jibbler> oh man
<lambda> was she in our year?

<Ducttape> ben: well tomorrow I am going to go meet my girlfriend in london, have a day in london with her, then come back to canterbury for night of rampent sadomasochistic sex
<ben> Ducttape: well, I can have a wank without all that effort
<ben> I think I win

<creature> padme|nothere - you know you came round last night to pick up your pants and your post, but left your pants?
<creature> You left your post, too.

* foo has a speech to write
<GeeeZa> groom's speech is easy foo
<la_haine> "I'd like to thank la_haine for naming Rah 'mrs foo' and so putting the original marriage idea in our heads'

<GeeeZa> Robbo: can we get rid of the mac and get an ADSL router? :)
<GeeeZa> I've found a very nice one
<Robbo|cantcol> show me
<GeeeZa> http://www.adslguide.org/hardware/reviews/2002/q4/vigor2600we.asp
<azz> "hey, everyone, GeeeZa's fighting Robbo"

<skel> star trek porn? lol, geeks :)
<ben> "three in a ro"
<ben> "cheap trills"
<MrTea> "where no man has gone before"
<ben> "menage a troi"

<Tim> ben, bluetooth is complate wank.
<ben> lies
<Tim> yes, sorry. I meant complete wank.

[Moof programming for a hotel company on International Talk Like A Pirate Day]
<Cap`nMoof> """Arrr, this procedure calculates which tariff will mean less pieces'o'eight for them thar landlubbin cutomers
<Cap`nMoof> it be takin: thar company and segment band names, the cabin type, when they be asking permission to board the ship, when they be made to walk the plank, and wether they wanto eat at the cap'ns table, or can make do with ship's biscuit and grog, or nothin' at all. yarrr"""

<Seraph> Anyone recommend a good samba server for winxp?

* Robbo looks at a drumkit
<Robbo> that's it
<Robbo> that's all you're getting
<Robbo> i can't even be bothered to play them for your pun

* Khellondros wonders whether Raspberry Heaven really exists

<creature> Thank you for registering with us.
<creature> You are now free to book your tickets online and breeze through the station.
* kimble fears - they haven't tried to make the booking process more intuitive by mimicing a real train travel experience have they?
* kimble thinks . o O ( "HTTP error 107: The packets required to service your request have been delayed by a router failure at Neasden" )
* kimble thinks . o O ( "please carry heavy luggage up 6 flights of stairs to intercept the replacement packets in darwin computer room 1"

<Clarie> woo finally switched off my answerphone thingy
[half the channel ping-timeouts due to BT breaking Canterbury's ADSL]
<Morti> Clarie's answerphone thingy was providing internet access to quite a few people then

<creature> Anyone have any thermal paste xmassheep can pinch?
<ben> yes, funnily enough
<creature> She thanks you lots and offers sexual favours.
<creature> I may have made that last bit up.

*** typo is now known as christine
<Trapper> mum
<christine> yes
<Trapper> why christine ?
<christine> weeeeell
<christine> i didn't want to tell you..........
<christine> but it's my name

<Trapper|pebbles> mum on the phone: "It's starting to look more and more like you're going to end up doing an msc conversion course"
<Trapper|pebbles> "You just don't want to admit it because la_haine did one"
<Rah> heh
<Rah> nice people do them too

<typo> ibot lambda
<iBot> i think lambda is undersetimating himself by 1000%
* kimble thinks . o O ( undersetimating? )
* kimble thinks . o O ( v. to grossly underestimate the number of seti units one's computer gets through in a given time period )

<SlimeyPete> you've given up on the "I'm not a geek" thing then
<Trapper|Pebbles> SlimeyPete: I explained seg faults yesterday
<Trapper|Pebbles> I can't really claim to not be any more

<TheLib|Tidying> anyone know how much a 5p weighs?
<Rorschach> 1/20 of a lb
<Rorschach> *boom tisch*

<Morti> I've apparently been described as a "dark horse"
<creature> I prefer to think of you as a dim gerbil.

*** Xiphi is now known as Xiphi|StrummingTheBanjo
<ben> is that a euphemism?
<Fox> you'll know if i'm gone in a minute or two
<Reaper> no, we'll know if you're *back* in a minute or two.

* ben remembers last nights dream
<ben> I dreamed I stumbled upon some sentient dominoes, who were being all angry and stompy
<ben> it turned out all they really wanted was to make a giant tower, but they didn't have the sense of perspective to pull it off
* ben boggles at his brain
<ben> saturdays was odd too
<ben> I dreamed I was making a giant onion bhaji, then I got stuck inside it

* foo books himself a hair appointment
<archmoo> foo: do they need to pre-order the equipment?
<archmoo> :-)

<foo> Error-oc-play.occ(23)- Placement of channels is disabled
<nuked> curious.. compile with -e to kroc
<nuked> i don't remember writing that error.. ;)

* Rah debates between 'law and goverment under the tudors' and 'reform and renewal'
<Reaper> reform and renewal is about sandwich meat, right?

[editing a long topic]
*** Topic for #jibblers: [...] | Fancy getting involved with kentunion.co.uk? Leave a message for Creature
*** Morti changed the topic of #jibblers to: Welcome to #singles, bitch away | [...] | Fancy getting involved with kentunion.co.uk? Leave

<Rorschach> kill me now
* creature shoots in Rorschach's face.
<creature> Err.
* creature shoots Rorschach in the face.

<Trapper|lib_L2> can I suggest that you keep your onions to yourself until the deadline for this has passed?

[talking about typo, Phil's mum]
<Moof> Pete: she's basically begeed me to take phillip off her hands. And I'm fairly sure I haven't slept with her...
<SlimeyPete> you never know
<Moof> well, there was a drunken 10 minutes i don't rememebr at foo's wedding...

<SlimeyPete> lizzie's a sweet innocent girl, Moof. Or so she likes to make out.
<Trapper> I've never made out!

[Trapper has a cat called Violet]
<Trapper> arrt!]##
<Trapper> cat!
<SlimeyPete> Trapper: poke it in the face
<Trapper> SlimeyPete: it's vi
<SlimeyPete> Trapper: ":q!" her then

<Trapper> there's a home alone 4
<Trapper> that os wrong on just so may levels >.,
<Reaper> "Home Alone 4: Fuck, of course I'm home alone I'm 32 and own my own house"

<jester> "Disease and death: the bane of mankind's new age existence. Ubiquitous computing comes to the aid, however. While our young are nurtured by machines and our elderly fight pestilence and decay through technology it will be a bright age where our species can flourish and fuse with this new technology."
* jester elects that it was a bad idea letting Rob write the abstract for this report

<azz> Khell|lesson: we've only had two people ask for hentai this year so far...
<Khell|lesson> was one David with the long blonde hair?
<syn> what, the one who dresses goth sometimes?
<Khell|lesson> I just remember him talking abut a lot of hentai behind me the other week
<syn> how rare.
<syn> considering i'm david with long blonde hair.

<foo> you mean i can't ICMP Downs road?
<foo> ICBM, even ;)

* SlimeyPete wonders why web browsers keep dissapearing on him
<SlimeyPete> firebird does it, galeon does it, opera does it
<SlimeyPete> just randomly dissapear when I click
<la_haine> what are you clicking?
<la_haine> the close button?

<syn> I want to create Occult Statistics.
<syn> primarily because I want a Standard Divination button on my calculator.

*** Trapper is now known as Trapper|grease
<Arcturus> Trapper|grease: I hope your listening to grease, if not.. eww.

<Arcturus> Ow, my back. Fireworks just arrived. Christ, a big long package, over a meter long and about a foot wide.. plus a giant box :/
<Arcturus> What did he order.. the 'Houses of Parliament' special? o_O

[syn is known for taking ages to shower]
<syn|shower> getting in now.
<syn|shower> START YOUR TIMERS.
[ten minutes later...]
<syn|shower> two things.
<syn|shower> one, restart your timers.
<syn|shower> two, never order pizza from Tony's.

<darth-pill> the live of my cd's are lomg...
<skel> well, the life of the cd you gave me is nearly up
<skel> dead CDs make great coffee mats. If he coffee mats one of Kare Kano CDs the life span of one pill won't exceed 17 o.o
<darth-pill> lucky im 16 realy...

[talking about Aliens vs. Predator]
<reggitsti^portlandbillspub> that bloody motion detectot thing in avp was terryfying, i played avp for hours one afternoon at home, went outside sat in the garden, then the microwaves went off 'BEEP BEEP BEEP' in the kitchen behind me
<reggitsti^portlandbillspub> I hit the floor and rolled

<reggitsti> eeeeeps at accidenlty calling 999 in his pocket :/
<azz> so did you find an ambulance in your pocket, or what? ;)
<reggitsti> azz: I'm just happy to see you :op

<archmoo> o/~ Mr Crowley, what went on in your head? Mr Crowley, did you talk with the dead?
<Moof> to the tune of the village people - in the navy?

* TheLib notes impending sense of doom
*** Trapper^Tiggs is now known as Trapper^Tiggs|hyper
<lambda> yep that spells doom

[discussing how to get skel to talk in real life...]
<SlimeyPete> 's easy, just wander in with an Where Do You Want To Go Today? t-shirt on and loudly proclaim the advantages of Windows Me

* typo would if trapper had not buggered my computre
<purple> typo: !!!
<SlimeyPete> purple: 's ok, she didn't physically bugger it
<SlimeyPete> though she is damn good at buggery

[Dave[] talking about Unix commands]
<Dave[]> Anybody like to tell me what "cat" comes from?
<reggitsti> Dave[]: when a mummy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much...

<typo> looking at the converstaion of jibblers typo starts to worry about the weekend
<Rah> heh
<Rah> and its geekiness?
<typo> yup
<typo> three geeks and an old woman
<Rah> ah well
<Rah> although i wouldn't describe giles as an old woman ;)

<Fudgehat> monty slap me if I start on the haskell again tonight
<Monty> YOU'RE MY WIFE NOW

<Jibbler> i worked out that i write more words on IRC in a year than i will in my thesis

* purple|reading gets bored of reading reports, so switches to minutes instead. Ooooo...
<Moof> "camp-but-denies-it lefty guy makes point that has to do a lot with national politics but nothing to do with LGB"
<Moof> "butch dyke concurs"
<Moof> "random audience memebr asks about an obscure facet of the law which is even more pointless"
<Moof> "grumbles of 'hear hear'"
<Moof> "someone gets up and asks that we get on topic before lauching a question that has nothing to do with the current topic, but somehting done three motions ago"
<Moof> "someone gets up and wonders why the NUS LGB committee is so fulll of stereotypes"
<Moof> "lynching ensues"

<lb^> top Wales headline now:
<lb^> "Crisis at potato disease farm"
<pseudoGeek> they're all healthy?

[dmc trying hard not to provide technical support...]
* dmc isnt sure how to drive this thing. Not too good at unix things

* skel impulse bought pencil, lead for pencil but completely forgot to get a rubber >.<
<Trapper|gone> don't they give out rubbers for free at the mandela building?

* purple plans to kidnap MrTea so he can make cakes for her morning, afternoon & night
* Trapper|lib_l2 grabs hold of a leg
<Trapper|lib_l2> I want cake tooooo
* purple grabs the head
<purple> nooooo! my cake!
* Trapper|lib_l2 stomps on bethans toes to make her let go
<MrTea> hah! I _knew_ there was a way to have girls fighting over me ;0

* Rah notes the answers to her semianr questions have no punctuation atm
<Rah> this may be because they have no words

*** Shark_Bait|Lucky_Fin has joined #cs
<Monty> But what does Shark_Bait|Lucky_Fin have to do with the price of fish?
<Shark_Bait|Lucky_Fin> A lot really...
<Shark_Bait|Lucky_Fin> You see, as shark-bait decreases, the price of fish increases..
<Shark_Bait|Lucky_Fin> its simple supply and demand.

<jester|mad> i just subconciously made a sandwich
<jester|mad> went into the kitchen to get some fruit, thought about something else while I was in there, and came out with a sandwich
<jester|mad> turkey, cucumber (sliced), cheese (sliced), onion (chopped)
<jester|mad> on toasted bread
<jester|mad> that was in the freezer
<jester|mad> got back to my desk, and looked at it for a few moments wondering why it wasn't an orange

<Moof> then again, with my black 3/4 overcoat I look a bit mafioso
<Skimble> Ah, the gay mafia about which we hear so much.
<typo> get trapper to lend you a violin case then moof
<Moof> surely pink picollo cases would be de rigeur for the gay mafia?
* Trapper wonders what one would do with the...
<Trapper> oh

[out of the blue...]
<jester> that's nonsense
<jester> winne the pooh couldn't have been a fascist
<jester> oh
<jester> wrong window
<jester> sorry

* Moof_ should really listen to less Queen while coding
<Moof_> class MacRomanDecoder(Decoder):
<Moof_> """General Palaver! Mac Roman decoding!"""
<Moof_> buzzedword = 'ab\xe9\xe7\xf1\xdb'
<Moof_> # What do you mean, "Mac Roman decoding"?
<Moof_> codec = 'MacRoman (Assumed euro-compliant)'
<Moof_> def decode(self, text):
<Moof_> # Open Fire! All Weapons!
<Moof_> body = unicode(text, 'macroman')
<Moof_> # Dispatch for with some ajax to clean up this body
<Moof_> for c in body:
<Moof_> #Roman's Alive!?!?!?
<Moof_> if c == u'\xdb':
<Moof_> c = u'\u20ac'
<Moof_> # Macs! Macs! I love you! But I've only got 14 lines to finish this program!
<Moof_> return body

[talking about a trip to Heathrow to see the world cup rugby team return]
<Trapper|lib_l4> where abouts were youse lot?
<xmassheep|welcomeptyreturns> standing on starbucks chairs about 10 back
<PQ|HeroesReturned> Was good
<PQ|HeroesReturned> Lots of repetitive lines of Swing Low sweet chariot
<PQ|HeroesReturned> I saw some heads, some faces and a big cup
<PQ|HeroesReturned> THen realised i was still standing in starbucks

<Monty> Question challenge #9180: what one word may be added to news, carbon and wall
<azz> paper
<Monty> I chose scissors - I win! :o)

<syn> and this is why I'm a grammar whore :)
<Rorschach> "Will suck cock for correect declensions."?
<Rorschach> hur hur, clench

[reading Trapper's blog...]
<archmoo> "Saturday was lovely. Ben and I started fat copying to another harddrive" Geek romance at its finest.
<Moof> "We reformatted windows off my hard drive and replaced FAT32 with ext3."
<archmoo> wow, is that like the geek-equivilent of a candle lit dinner?

<Dave[]> what is the second largest hardware vendor in the world.
<Morti> My mate Dave

[foo joins #jibblers as "Emily"...]
<Emily> hello
<Mewsy> who's Emily?
<Emily> gah ... you lot are so dull ... DALNet people jump on anyone with a female nick ;)
<Rorschach> m/sg emily R U h0t s3x1 cH1x0r????!!111 w4nn4 cyb0r??1111
<Rorschach> shit

[talking about how fast Morti spends his loan]
<Morti> I think we're pretty much even, aren't we?
<SlimeyPete> yeah, we are. I just don't wanna be out of pocket just cos you're god's gift to consumerism again :P

<Arcturus[GunBound]> Typing with one hand is hard.
<Moof> Arcturus[GunBound]: which begs the q: what you doing with the other hand?
<ukcb00> Moof: u have a one trak mind!
<Moof> ukcb00: no I don't. It just appears that way. In the past five minutes I have, in fact, been thingking abotu massive UPSes, freight costs in Air europa, fraight costs to europa, why my stubble is itchy today, what to have for dinner, a long drawn out sex session with you, and how to solve a person's python program design.

<foo> ozzy osborne is sinking to new depths
<GeeeZa> why?
<SlimeyPete> well, it's difficult to swim when you've done your back in...

<archmoo> does anyone know how to fix
<archmoo> Playing dvd://1.
<archmoo> libdvdread: Could not open device with libdvdcss.
<archmoo> libdvdread: Can't open /dev/dvd for reading
<archmoo> Couldn't open DVD device: /dev/dvd
<archmoo> from linux mplayer?
* archmoo thwaps self
<archmoo> ... first put DVD in drive. Baka.

* reggitsti remembers exams...
<reggitsti> I think the secreat lies in havign as much stationary as possible
<reggitsti> when did you ever see anyone go into an exam with a huge pile of pens, pencils, rubbers, rulers, polos, spare pens, ink cartridges, highlighters, spare spare pens, and fail ?
<kimble> when they forgot their calculator?

<azz> three channels for the keyboard, error and out / seven for the sort pump in replicated PAR / nine for the philosophers doomed to starve / one for the student ignored at the bar / in the land of occam, where the deadlocks lie
<azz> one PAR to rule them all, one ALT to find them / one SEQ to read them all and sequentially bind them / in the land of occam, where the deadlocks lie

<typo^afk> lizzie has made herself a tinsel wreath and now ants anet curtain so she can pretend to be a bride to go to the post office
<Rah> you are joking, yes?
<typo^afk> no
<Rah> oh good grief

<Paul> blondie|ill: did your one ever have that weird problem where the mouse and/or keyboard suddenly stop working?
<blondie|ill> it did it yesterday
<blondie|ill> i completely took it to pieces
<blondie|ill> removed the harddisk, dvd, cpu etc
<blondie|ill> cos i was bored

* Ducttape looks at a bed with satin sheets and a naked woman in it
<Tiggs> O.o
<Tiggs> so a website then

<Arcturus> o/~ Arc the Magic Dragon, lived on IRC and frolicked in the channel list, while using mIRC. Little Christine Ov'ral, loved that rascal Arc. And fed him food and gave him drinks and took him to the park!

<Shion> i bet if i were to ask in there who finds me annoying, less than half the people in the channel would say yes
<Rorschach> the rest would be afk? ;)

<kimble> hmm, anyone for a game of ukc-cluedo? i haven't invented the rules yet, but i'm sure we could mornington-crescent our way thorugh it
<kimble> locations are easy, and you could have all kinds of weapons... like a rutherford breakfast, or some ducttape, or an invicta condom...
<kimble> just pick everyone's favourite suspicious lecturers as suspects/victim, and you're off
* kimble reckons the door at the top of the stairs in cornwallis south should be on the weapons list too
<kimble> it'd be rogerio, in the library, with an illustrated copy of kent union consitution
<kimble> (and he'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for us meddling kids - who'd have suspectd a CS lecturer would be in the library?)

* kimble once conspired with her brother and his chavvy friends to introduce the word "feltching" into chav vocabularly as an adjective
<kimble> as in "that's a feltching good stereo, innit!"

*** red_pill changed the topic of #minkees to: there is no topic.....|yes there is.....|you call that a topic? 0.o| i'd like to see you do better|mabye i will|well? go on then|mabye i dont wanna...|fight, fight|i am so much leeter then you at topics...see?|and so with this topic agukment the world ended

<SlimeyPete> bethan and tom are arguing about fish again :/

* Trapper|here wonders if raptor downage is cos workmen drilled thru cable
<Tim> Trapper|here: it's cos we dropped a doughnut in the disk array
<Tim> well, we've shut the machine down... but unfortunately we still can't get the doughnut out
<Tim> which is a real pain, because it's lunchtime.

<Morti> Fair enough. But I've been Christian for a long time and this isn't a snap decision. I've thought about it a lot.
<Ducttape> Morti: you have also been shagging longer than you have been baptised
<Morti> Ducttape: And you've been male longer than you've been female. Non argument, dude.

<Rorschach> so, syn, can you say "eleven lazy llamas leap lazily through the lush hell
<Rorschach> because I can
<syn> Rorschach: ok
<syn> "fuck you"

<Morti> What's a "Super Audio CD"?
<Ryian> its a cd that wears its underwear on the OUTSIDE!

<creature> remind me in 12 minutes to flip chips
<Rorschach> remind me in 11 minutes to flip creature's chips, so he flips them onto the wrong side and burns them,

<Monty> Congratulations to MrTea|SW12 for winning the quiz! The scores have now been reset. Here's how everyone fared: Top scores: [100]MrTea|SW12 [21.5]MrTea|EBR2 [19.8]MrTea [18.3]MrTea|tired [9]azz [5.2]MrTea|bed [2.5]MrTea|busy

<foo> o/~ Oops! Moof did it again. He played with python got lost in the gras...
* Moof hits foo one more time

<pill> desing
<Trapper|5geeks^afk> design?
<pill> tats the one
<Trapper|5geeks^afk> <-- leet ;)
<pill> not if thats how you spell 1337 ;)

<padme|keynes> mailinfo god
<iBot> mailinfo: Login "god" does not exist

<Dave[ST]> Meatballs.Sleeep();
<Meatballs> sleep is a private method and cannot be called from irc

<NQB-W> DT|Annoyed: did you hear that my G string snapped this evening?
<NQB-W> I just twanged it and it pinged off and hit me in the face

<Seraph> never get involved with housemates
<Seraph> it's the whole close proximity every day thing
<Seraph> they get to know ya, they realise you're an ass, they don't want to sleep with you anymore and get all bitchy
<syn> then hide your honey nut loops
<Seraph> It was always the cocopops, but yeah

<Paul> 39p for a blank DVD-R .... i remember when blank CDs were more than a quid!
<Robbo> i remember when economies of scale and depreciation didn't exist

<Ducttape> how long is track 1?
<NQB-W> |<------------------THIS long--------------------->|
<Ducttape> is that to scale?

<Th3Highlander> will the kettle boil quicker if I stick it in the microwave or the oven?

<Arcturus> iBot, divine are you god?
* iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere...
<iBot> It says 'Yeah, and I'm the Pope,' Arcturus

<creature> I had to explain a joke to a woman on the street yesterday.
<creature> She came up to me, and said "Hi there, I'm from the Accident group. Have you had an accident in the past 2 years?".
<creature> So I said, "No, I always look like this".
<creature> And she just looks at me blankly, and then says "What?".

<creature> I've got paradise mix here.
<xmassheep> paradise mix? is that like sand, add water to make one perfect beeach?
<creature> Nah, it's like dried fruit. Banana chips, apricots, papaya, coconut, raisins, sultanas, etc.
<xmassheep> ah well
<xmassheep> i think my idea was better, no offence

<Alex> wasnt that keen on S&M
<Alex> er
<Alex> Sam and max i mean

<xmassheep> you know creature, i think you missed the conversation skel and i had about valentines day the other night
<xmassheep> we thought about sending you a card
<xmassheep> but then decided we were too tight to pay for a stamp
<xmassheep> and then decided we were too tight to pay for a card
<xmassheep> so we thought about writing it on the board
<xmassheep> but that would involve effort
<xmassheep> so you probably won't get one, no offence
<creature_> So, given that you're not prepared to write me a message on the board, I suppose a valentine's hand-job is entirely out of the question, then. :(
<xmassheep> DIY
<creature_> And how will that convey any sense of occasion?
<xmassheep> you could paint your nails

*** blondie has joined #q-soc
<blondie> is this a channel for queens?
<BaffMatt> erm... queen fans :P
<BaffMatt> but you can stay if you like
<blondie> oh
*** blondie has left #q-soc [pfft]

<SuperMatt> o/~ where did we come from? why are we here? where do we go when we die?
<SlimeyPete> o/~ where do you come from, where do you go? Where do you come from Cotton-eye Joe

<lb^> you seem a bit hyper pseudoGeek
<pseudoGeek> lb^: it's what happens after a period of nervousness or stress
<la_haine> I thought that was masturbation?
<lb^> i know all about that :/
<lb^> the stress, that is

<Sp33p> i wanna kno what that rbf song was i had stuck in my head the other day
<Sp33p> but i cant remember what it was called
<Dark_Weaver> lyrics?
<Sp33p> dont remember :p
<Dark_Weaver> hum the tune :P
<Sp33p> dont even remember the tune now
<Dark_Weaver> so you wanna know a tune that you dont remember the name, tune OR lyrics to? :)
<Dark_Weaver> well its gotta be that one, you know, with the music :P

<creature> ibot seen mikky
<creature> Bah.
* iBot is not a sheep

<typo> say I am just enjoying the ambience
<typo> that's what I do
<kimble> yeah, but i stutter when i'm nervous, it might come out 'ambulance'
<kimble> and then i'd have to convince them i don't need to be rushed to hospital immediately

<Dan|Busy> essays are indeed silly
<reggitsti> discuss...

<Mystik> Seraph has 750gb disk space, then?
<Seraph> yar
<Seraph> virtual penis = THIS BIG |--------------------------------------------------| :D
* Dave[] reduces font size

<Rorschach> IWANNAPLAYCHESS!
<EeK> let's all play with their chess!
* Rorschach plays with EeK's king
<EeK> I'm a hardcore pawn

* Trapper wonders if teh kids'll use irc before they can talk...
<Ducttape> "so what were you kids first words?" "/join #jibblers"
<Trapper> .oO(It's funny, cos it's potentially true)
<Ducttape> could be worse
<typo> could be #cs

[in response to yet another the-SBS-is-too-restrictive complaint]
<pao> exeter are amazing
<pao> comp service there even hand out free tissues
<pao> actually exeter provide free girls and boys for extra services

<Rachel> What do people think of the University strike?
*** Seraph is now known as Tom
<Tom> Bad thing!
*** Tom is now known as Dick
<Dick> Good thing!
*** Dick is now known as Harry
<Harry> What strike?
*** Harry is now known as Seraph

<Tim> Hal used to be called God once...
<ntm> yes.
<Tim> but I think someone objected
<Deeps> Someone complained?
<ntm> but then i complained.
<Tim> probably him

<Morti> blondie: God? ;) <--- Instant argument, just add evad and stirr. :D

<Th3Highlander|AwaitingDoom> Monty are you jacking-off?
<Monty> Perhaps I am jacking off in your fantasies.

<Ducttape> o/~ I'm waiting in my cold cell, when the bell begins to chimb, reflecting on my past life, and it doesn't have much time, because at 5 oclock they take me to the gallows pole, the sands of time for me, are running low
<Trapper|bleh> if that's how you feel you don't *have* to come to church...

<Skimble> Phobos: Have you tried a human of the male persuasion?
* Phobos hasnt.
<Skimble> Well then, how d'you know? =P
<Phobos> because i spend every working day in school with 1200 of the bastarsds.
<Moof> Phobos: I spent all day and night at a school with 1200 men, and look how I turned out
<Penguin> Spanish ?

<kimble> man time
<kimble> erm, that was a misdirected unix command, not a rethink of my sexuality

* kimble is allergic to haskell
<Trapper> kimble: that's what you found out at the hospital then?
<kimble> yup
* kimble got nasty swellings from haskell and C++, with a smaller one for smalltalk
<kimble> apparantly i'm not allergic to BASIC though, which was news to me
<kimble> and neither of the occam tests (they do one on each arm) had a reaction
<kimble> they'd run out of the solution for perl, so mixed a few drops of everything else together and added some distilled water

<typo> I was told 10 minutes ago that Bens mum and dad were coming to croydon
<typo> and that they ahd asked trapper and Ben if they wanted to come
<typo> so I it looks as if I will need to be on my best behaviour
* typo deflates blow up alan Rickman doll

<Pete> How many articles from ukc.misc (default 1337):
<Pete> i very much doubt the articles are 1337

* Trapper|lib_l3e steals rah
<Rah> I AM NOT PROPERTY
<Rah> thus according to s1 theft act 1968 you CANNOT STEAL ME!

* GiantCrab was sent by Morti.
<Morti> I am the crabmaster!
<Ka> psst, i wouldnt advertise that everywhere
<Morti> Yeah, didn't really think that one through

<creature> . o O (Foo and rah have sex, and 9 months later a few kilobytes of executable code pop out?)

<iBoot> Hi, I'm iBot's evil twin brother
<_58fr> iBot's Canadian evil twin brother?
* kimble thought canadiains were always nice
<SlimeyPete> they are. Except for the ones that were formed long ago in the mists of time from the purest evil.
<iBoot> and chicken... purest evil and chicken

<creature> xmassheep|lib - you appear to have "Five" on your PC. Do you have an alibi?

<syn> see
<syn> this is why I hate the internet
<syn> i get all hyped about fetishmatch
<syn> start writing the sql create table query
<syn> and all of a sudden firefox opens up porn.
<syn> of it's own accord*
<syn> terrible.
<syn> *this may be a lie

<^Vash> wasnt there a new thing called spim?
* ^Vash wonders whether it was true or in a dream....
<typo> spim
<typo> sounds odd
<typo> spim an new kind of luncheon meet with no bad connotations
<Arcturus[Sleep]> spim is instant messaging spam :p
<typo> aaah
<^Vash> ah thats what it was
* Arcturus[Sleep] feels like he's in a tech support channel staffed by the Two Ronnies.

<reggithezziuqsti> it's even worse in france apparently, don't you have to give the govt the key to any encoding thingy you use?
<Rorschach> that's why I have a series of magnesium flares strapped to my HD
<Rorschach> and the detonator strapped to the inside of my thigh
* Morti strokes Rorschach thighs
* Rorschach pings out

<evad|bed> Rorschach: I think Morti|Aldridge doesn't understand that when you use the word "sex" it means "sex"
<Seraph> So you mean those years of cyber sex were really real?
<Seraph> I'm no longer a virgin!

* skel streaks around the channel, running circles around Ka, before shooting off at a tangent
* Ka resists the "shooting off" joke

* dmc wonders who 129.12.9.195 is
<dmc> and why they are attempting and failing to log into the sun server...
<Kilgore> you
<dmc> ah....
* dmc suspects OE again.

<creature> `remind me at 8:15 to go make some breakfast - I recommend toast.
<xmassheep> remind me at 8.14 to eat all the toast in the house
<creature> remind me at 8:13 to duct-tape up Kim's mouth.
<xmassheep> remind me at 8.12 to hide the duct tape
<creature> remind me at 8:11 to grab the duct-tape and keep it safe.
<xmassheep> remind me at 8.10 to locate and destroy all sticky tape in the house
<creature> remind me at 8.09 to buy some superglue
<xmassheep> remind me at 8.08 to liquidate creature's assets so he can't buy superglue
<creature> remind me at 8:07 to develop Agent Smith-like powers for mouth-sealing with a mere guesture.
<xmassheep> remind me at 8.06 to lock creature in his room and set up a blocking charm for magical powers
<creature> remind me at 8:05 to leave my room and remove all talismans, ancient relics, and other such protective charms from the immediate vicinity
<xmassheep> remind me at 8.04 to put creature into a self-storage container and leave him there until at least 8.16
<creature> remind me at 8:03 to put on the Amulet of Yendor, which as any nethack player knows cannot be placed into a container.
<xmassheep> remind me at 8.02 to drop creature in the ocean with a weight tied round his ankles and a scuba tank, and not to haul him out until at least 8.16
<creature> remind me at 8:01 to put on really big armbands.
<xmassheep> remind me at 8.00 to make tiny holes in creature's armbands with a pin
<creature> remind me at 7:59 to secrete a puncture repair kit in the most appropriate oriface.
<xmassheep> remind me at 7.58 to sabotage creature's puncture repair kit before he puts it into any orifice
<creature> remind me at 7:57 to learn houdini-like skills in escapology and get really good at escaping from lead weights.
<xmassheep> remind me at 7.56 to switch the lead weights with bricks
<creature> remind me at 7:55 to surrepticiously replace my shoes with minature hovercraft.
<xmassheep> remind me at 7.54 to nick the batteries out of the miniature hovercraft
<creature> remind me at 7:53 to add solar panels to my shoes.
<xmassheep> remind me at 7.52 to make the wiring in creature's solar panels dodgy so they will short circuit when he is dropped in the ocean
<creature> remind me at 7:51 to cover myself in rubber so I don't get electrocuted in the case of a freak wiring accident with my shoes.
<xmassheep> remind me at 7.50 to put itching powder all over creature's rubber

<syn|rutherfordPublicPC> in this hand we have the ukc webcaches.
<syn|rutherfordPublicPC> in this hand we have a big pile of shit.
<syn|rutherfordPublicPC> watch as i swap hands
<syn|rutherfordPublicPC> missed it?
<syn|rutherfordPublicPC> so did everyone else.

<typo> they would n't let me come and play nock down ginger on your door today
<SlimeyPete> O.o what's knock-down ginger?
* kimble tuts
<kimble> young folk today...
<typo> knocking the door and running away
<SlimeyPete> oh
<SlimeyPete> see where I come from, we call that "knocking the door and running away"

* Penguin raises one eyebrow
* Penguin raises some hair so people can see he's raised one eyebrow

[Scumbag working on electronics project]
<Scumbag|DSL> tis a hardware failure byt the look of it
<Scumbag|DSL> pic is programmable, but won't run
<Scumbag|DSL> i don't know whats wrong
<Scumbag|DSL> its like having a women angry at you, you know theres something wrong but you just can't tell what
<Scumbag|DSL> but unfortunetly flowers and chocolates don't fix electronics

<Tim> can you turn a machine off for me?
<Tim> it's in the CS racks, middle one
<Tim> turn the key inside the hatch at teh top right
<Tim> turn it to off, wait a second, then back
<Mewso> this is starting to sound like that power restart sequence in jurassic park
<Mewso> Raptor will get me!

* Atuin lols
<Atuin> at email from Moof
<Atuin> Please lower the tone again
<Atuin> Best Wishes,
<Atuin> Moof
* Moof suddenly realises he may have left a "don't" out of there

<creature> How is that a gay guy gets more girls than I do?

<Morti> monty help define
<Monty> Help: "Monty: define x = 10"
<creature> monty: define 2 = 4
<Monty> creature: Okay, I'll try and remember 2 = 4

* Ducttape decides on her new purpose in life
<purple> pincushion?
<Ducttape> To extend adolescence beyond all reasonable limits
<purple> oh
<purple> man then

<GuidoLeWombat> Whatever: you'd like him, he has long dark hair like you
<GuidoLeWombat> and he's tall too
<GuidoLeWombat> so you'll have so much to talk about
<Whatever> conditioner and low celings

<Koala> i'm just a ickle koala, and need help crossing streets :(
<CheeseOfDoom> at least you don't get people trying to eat you all the time >_<

* EeK munches
* typo slurps
* Moof chews
* SlimeyPete burps
* EeK farts
* Moof coughs
* typo digests
* EeK blinks
* Moof winks
* typo sniffs
* EeK metabolises
* typo feels the het
* Moof perspires
* chrislamb burps
* Moof frowns
* EeK scratches
* typo glowers
* EeK types
* typo glares
* chrislamb smells
* Moof mouses
* typo sucks
* EeK thinks.. then stops
* SlimeyPete follows through
* Moof sniffs
* EeK inserts cork
* Moof gags
* typo grins
* Moof cocks his head
* typo gets pissed
* ben masticates
* EeK wonders off
* typo contemplates
* chrislamb jibbles
* typo nibbles
* Moof juggles
* typo prevaricates
* Trapper prods
<Trapper> blankdiscshop order
<Trapper> anyone want anything?
* SlimeyPete

* kimble sings o/~ it's a jump to the left o/~
* kimble sings o/~ and a step to the riiiiight o/~
* kimble sings o/~ do ctrl-alt-delete o/~
* kimble has quit IRC (Exit: and i'll be back in 5)
* kimble has joined #jibblers
* kimble sings o/~ but it's the BSOD, that really drives you insaaaaane o/~

<typo> and what *is* pills moof rorsach atuin side
<typo> I am baffled
<typo> it's the addition of J that confuzzles me
<typo> rors /moof one conclusions
<typo> atuin/ rors straight
<typo> but atuin/moof/rors
<typo> dfo they all not wash or something?

<Mystik> ooh, i've got a 1983 1-pound coin. is that worth anything?
<Rorschach> yes
<Rorschach> £1

*** mode/#cs [+ovovov Tim Tim Andy Andy Pete Pete] by Hal
<Monty> Hal and Athena sitting in a tree...
*** mode/#cs [+ovv Athena Athena Monty] by Hal
<Rorschach> and Tim, and Andy, and Athena, and Pete... whoah
<Rorschach> big tree

<jester> it's a bit moist outside
<Morti> And Ducttape and I just had to transport a monitor from her house to mine, which was fun. Gave it my coat in the end.
* Paul imagines a gameshow "what gender is ducttape today?!"
<Paul> or did you mean you gave the monitor your coat..

* Morti Googles plumpos and gets "Did you mean plumpers"
<Morti> No, no I really didn't

[playing Battleships]
<NQB-W> C7 - You Hit your allies. You must be American.

[looking at photos of a house]
<skel> big house all nice and well, but big garden looks like effort
<skel> all big things look like effort
<SuperEgg> skel - good luck in your sex life then

<Moof> The sun explain Bluetooth with the aid fo some page 3 girls: http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0%2c%2c2001310000-2004151221%2c00.html
* typoIroningBored wonders if that is why Ben described bluetooth as a complete wank

<Rorschach> didn't you have a watch, blondie?
<blondie> dont usually wear it
<blondie> its not digital
<Rorschach> sorry, i wont sleep with you now
<Rorschach> i only sleep with people with digital watches

<reggitsti|afk> mmm bacon butty
<reggitsti|afk> the food of the gods
<reggitsti|afk> well
<reggitsti|afk> except the jewish one I suppose

* illah yawns loudly
* SuperMatt puts a cork in illah's mouth
<SuperMatt> you can't talk! there is a cork in your mouth
<illah> eh? i talk out of my ass SuperMatt.
<illah> everyone knows that

<Morti> Hmm. Necrophilia only gets you a maximum of two years imprisonment. Seems almost worth it.

[talking about what to do on long flights]
<syn^uberbunny|inSpain> i'll try not to root BOTH of the avionics computers.
<syn^uberbunny|inSpain> "i'm so hardcore i run seti on my 737"

<Koala> a baseball fight you'll see maybe 5 a whole season, but they are crazy when they break out, all that stored up hostility.
<Koala> and this one was prolly great--it's between two bad teams; Chicago, who invented organized crime, and Cincinatti, who invented Jerry Springer.

[talking about a morality quiz]
<Rorschach> Would it bother you to see this man having sex with a chicken?
<Rorschach> hell, i'd pay

<Morti> Rorschach: Let's make a deal. I give you two large chocolate eclairs.
<Rorschach> ok, i now have a picture of a chicken trying to be seductive on my screen
<Rorschach> i'm worried
* Rorschach shakes on it
<Rorschach> the deal. not the picture

* kimble nods at blondie - that's the problem with UPSs, they're only as good as your ability to differentiate the incoming kettle lead from the outgoing kettle lead, in the dark, on all fours

*** [Jase] is now known as Jase
<^Vash> José?
<^Vash> oh Jase
<^Vash> wrong glasses, cant sdee

<creature> Hmm. My X is gradually going more and more screwy.
[creature pastes screenshot URL]
<creature> And I have *just* realised at this point I've shown the world I'm reading a guide to cunnilingus.

<Trapper|gone> what is cunnilingus?
<kimble> it's an airline
<kimble> aer lingus merged with continental

<Cos> how do you make real vnc connect to a computer without knowing the ip addy
<syn> hit alt+f4
<syn> it'll ask you for a hostname
<Cos> yeah
<syn> you hit alt+f4 already?
<Cos> ok i may be special
<syn> try again.
<Cos> but all it does is minimise it
<syn> keep trying
<syn> sooner or later it'll work.
<Cos> hopethetically
<Cos> if it had worked
<Cos> what would happen next
<syn> you'd get asked for a hostname
<syn> and enter ns1.root-servers.net
<syn> if you got an error ID 10-T then it's a problem with you
<Cos> what do you mean?
<Cos> think its easy to get a static ip on my home machine

<syn> it's kensington
<syn> as long as you're not pathologically afraid of australians you'll be fine

<foo> azz?
<foo> or anyone else in a prolog state of mind:
<foo> invalid_game(S1, S2) :- \+ differ_by_at_least(2, S1, S2).
<foo> the last predicate makes it want to backtrack all the time
<azz> o/~ some folks like to use arrays, take a reference to a system bus / write some code in Fortran, or in C++ / but I'm writing a predicate that'll backtrack all the time / I'm in a Prolog state of mind... o/~

<Moof> what is it about videos of babies swimming under the water?
<kimble> it's a cool undocumented feature that babies have
<kimble> they automatically don't drown
<Fox> isn't the feature quite will documented now?
<Fox> it was probably a bit of an easter egg the first baby they tried to drown but I think they noted it down
<kimble> they said they'd fix it in the next serivce pack, but you know how long these things take...
<Xiphi> prolly screw it up until they release babyXP
<Xiphi> who'd buy one of those ?
<Fox> yeah but you imagine how complicated the sex is to get Baby Linux
<Xiphi> it's only a matter of time before an open source one comes out
<Xiphi> then you get to configure and recompile it however you want
<Fox> i think i'll put its arm on its head
<Xiphi> no you won't
<Fox> will
<Xiphi> not with any BabyLinux of mine

* Tiggs wonders how long chris is going to be ...
<creature> Well, the average is around 6 inches.

[entirely at random]
<falcon> i am a teapot
<falcon> or possibly a coffee pot
<falcon> i'm not sure

[after a network outage]
*** syn changed the topic of #freshmeat to: hippies hit UKC server room, no survivors

<drrk> heh, i installed debian on my g/f's pc :)
<DT> my girlfriend did it herself :p
<drrk> ok, you winn

<typo> ther's nothing that a wompom cannot do
<Trapper|lesssunburnt> or a typographical error ;)
<red_pill> am i a redpillgrafical error
<red_pill> or just a mistake mum?

<padme> oday she is worshipping at the church of geekdom
<padme> 'oh sys admins, thou art in thine broom cupboard office, hallowed be thy donuts...'

* Moof went to an Oracle junket today
<Moof> I found out how I could leverage my existing customer information and go beyond CRM (Customer Relationship Management) to SRM (Service Relationship Management) in order to fidelize our customer base and have a much more synergistic relationship with them by utilising new improved CRSes and Outsourcing our Call Centre Management.

[talking about a CO508 exam]
<Rah[away]> SlimeyPete: how was it?
<SlimeyPete> imagine if Satan merged with Adolf Hitler, gave birth to a demonspawn child, spent the last 60-odd years tutoring that child in mastery of pure malevolent evil, and then sent it off to get a career in exam-setting.

<Rorschach> naive food?
<Rorschach> what, like, cherries?

<Tim> Andy:
<Tim> Mewso:
<Tim> helpdeskers
* Andy grabs Mewso... "helpdeskers unite!"
<Mewso> with our powers combined...
* pseudoGeek imagines Andy and Mewso in lycra suits and co ordinating crash helmets
<Andy> that's a bad thing to imagine
<Andy> and even worse than the tacky theme tune it spawned in my head

* Andy glares at Trapper for daring to email a query to Helpdesk (in the nicest possible, customer friendly way)

[talking to Ducttape]
<pao> with you being a girly (from what I gather), are you going to change your name to Gaffertape?

<Ka> Rincewind^here: my computer moos at me! :P
<Rincewind^here> o_O
<Rincewind^here> MILK IT

<Ingrid> LOOK what ebay sell:
<Ingrid> sponsored listings
<Ingrid> Kittens
<Ingrid> Compare and buy it on eBay. Thousands of new & used items!
<Ingrid> www.ebay.co.uk
<Ingrid> how can you buy 'used' kittens????????????????!!!!!

<evad|sleeping> Oh I know that
<evad|sleeping> But because I don't actually know it, I can't say.

<Mystik> o/~ i'm on fire, i'm rotting to the core, i'm eating all your kings and queens, all your sex and diamonds...
<Morti> o/~ I want you in a vinyl suit, I want you bad. Complicated, X-rated, I want you bad bad bad bad bad
<Nick|bored> o/~I'm a little teapot, short and stout

<typo> I had 12 e mails last night offering to sell me stuff
<typo> one said want a bigger cock christine
<SlimeyPete> should've sent one back saying "depends who's attached to it."

*** PetBrick [PircBot@dhcp631A.ukc.ac.uk] has joined #rock
<IrishKitty> Pyro: you have a pet brick, what does it do?
<Pyro> nothing - it's a brick

[after talking about an evil lecturer]
<xmassheep|revision> anyway i hope his ears are burning
<xmassheep|revision> i lie, i hope his house is burning
<xmassheep|revision> thats a lie too, i hope *he* is burning

<blondie> someone was having a fire on the field near here o.O
<SlimeyPete> that'd be the #cs lot
<blondie> it would?
<xmassheep> they went camping outside the library
<xmassheep> the camping with tents, not the other type

[talking about cricket]
<SlimeyPete> surely getting more women into Lords would be the best way to *increase* male supremacy
<SlimeyPete> they'd die of boredom by the thousand

* skel thinks evad and Ka have taken him the wrong way...
<SuperMatt> >.<
<skel> erm. Let me re-phrase that :/
* skel thinks evad and Ka have taken him the wrong way...
<SuperMatt> >.<
<skel> erm. Let me re-phrase that :/

* ozzit|thinBlueLine has quit IRC (Quit: *sound of pc being hurled out of window*)

* evad pops reggitsti
<evad> oops
* evad pops Ryian|bloated
* reggitsti is not a weasel !

* SuperMatt loves vuffy for the same reason he loves cricket - leather on willow

<Tanedra> fucking housemates.
<Tanedra> literally.
<Tanedra> these houses need thicker ceilings.

<Atuin> butbutbut? what's that?
<foo> moof heaven

[talking about Kitty's computer]
<Kitty> it has the combined computing power of a handfull of small gerbils
* xmassheep has never seen gerbils computing together and so can't really compare computers with numbers of gerbils
* kimble has... although the only operation they seem to understand is multiply
<xmassheep> i had two
<xmassheep> but one killed the other
* kimble thinks . o O ( maybe that's how gerbils handle two's compliment overflow? )

<Nath> Rorschach west gate wetherspoons
<Rorschach> yeah, i was thinking spoons, but they're a bit "meh". any ye olde pubes around?
<Rorschach> hmm, that third extra e was probably best left out

<ben|work> I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok
<ben|work> I wear women's clothes and I sleep all day
<typo> and you expect to marry my daughter?
<ben|work> no
<ben|work> your daughter was just a cover
<ben|work> i'm going to marry your son

<ack> syn
<syn> ack
<syn> RST!

<Th3Highlander> I payed £150 for a Konica Minolta 4MP 3xZoom DS/MS camera, exposure from 1/1000s - 30s !!!...and it RoXX0rZ!!!!!!!!
<Th3Highlander> best small digital camera on the market!!!
<Th3Highlander> I GAURANTEE!!!
<SlimeyPete> hey baby, did anyone ever tell you you could be in spam?

* Atuin returns from training session
* Atuin notes the next session on Tuesday is in Milan
<Moof> nice
<Atuin> it's just a shame they've named the training rooms on the 1st floor after our European offices
<Atuin> so actually it's on the 1st floor in London :(

* Tim goes to crap a new copy of the spamassassin cvs code
<Tim> unfortunate typo, there
<Tim> I meant "grab" not "crap"

<Raskell> ibot raskell
<iBot> Secetary of the Christian Focus and Head of the F1 Club
<ka> for the love of all that is holy, stop abusing Monty and iBot!!

<Gazelle> just had some parma ham :D
<Gazelle> i might eat the rest it was really nice
<tze> does it come from parma
<Gazelle> asda

<syn> i've discovered how to learn java properly, write an ocakbasi simulator. arraylists/maps for the order itself, bufferedreaders for reading in the order from a file, inheritance for Food -> pizza, kebab etc...it's all there
<syn> :D

[talking about potential children of ben and Trapper...]
<SlimeyPete> hmmm.... if you're lucky, they'll all be big ginger geeks with phil's hyperactive gene and an anime fixation
<Trapper|lib_l4e> SlimeyPete: and if I'm *unlucky*?!
<SlimeyPete> ... they'll be like that, *and* they'll walk around naked all the time

<Morti> You can't get an erection naturally out of a dead horse
<Morti> Hence
<Morti> "There's no point beating a dead horse"
<ntm> flogging.
<Morti> Or flogging, if you're that way inclined, ntm

<Morti> Pete made a site with a rude word in it!
<Morti> Look: http://pete.starleclosemafia.net/cgi-bin/test.py?result=poo
<SlimeyPete> no, you made a page with a rude word in it ;p
<SlimeyPete> I had a feeling this might happen. This is why I chose not to make it do colour.

<uberbunneh> WOW I PRESSED SOMETHING BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT

<syn> um
<syn> where's danny gone?
<syn> the pipes're calling
<Pyro|depressed> are the greps calling too?
<syn> and the fifos, yeah
<syn> it's bedlam down here

<ka> i am a geek...kinda. just not geekish enough to think about comps in terms of sex and stuff

* kimble sings o/~ every spam is sacred o/~
* kimble sings o/~ every spam is great o/~
* kimble sings o/~ when a spam is wasted o/~
* kimble sings o/~ bayes gets quite irate o/~
* kimble bows and thanks bbc radio sheffield for inspiring that one

<evad^Bel> ALEX HAS A DATE!
<IrishKitty> WHAT DOES HE HAVE A DATE WITH?
<syn|inReading> the REAL question
<syn|inReading> does she take AAs or AAAs?

<Morti> Alex has a date?
<Morti> Does the other person know this?

<belethcalwen> monty reminds me in 20 mins to get my laundry
<Monty> Your laundry ?
<Deeps> monty remind*
<Monty> Earlier you said your laundry .

<cutter> ibot sing
<iBot> o/~ In the Summer time when the weather is high
<Geo> ibot dance
* iBot leads Geo to the dance floor for a dance
<Geo> impressive
<Geo> if he can act too, a new bolywood star is born

* Trapper has new bra
* foo wants new boobs
<foo> oh pants
<foo> i shouldn't sauy these thigns when i nick foos irc

* dmc got into trouble with the face server
<dmc> My first "face" was the back of my head and I got an email telling me to change it to something sensible from alan.
<dmc> So I replaced it with a pot of rasberry yoghurt and got seemed

<blondie> wheres my fucking paracetamol?!
<creature> Is it boning the ibuprofen?

<typo> I am a well behaved middle aged lady
<Arcturus> Of course, of course.
<Arcturus> Whoa. I just saw a pig fly past my window.
<Trapper> Arcturus: how rare
<Trapper> was it in an areoplane?
<Arcturus> Nono, it sprouted little wings. It seemed to be wearing rollerskates, so I guess he's going to the ice party, now that hell's frozen over.

<Danforth> Certificate in Adult Education. Pay attention 007 :)
<Rorschach> wth's adult education? :P
<creature> He's going to be a porn star.
<Danforth> on that note...
*** Danforth has left #jibblers []
<creature> ... he pulls out.

[giving directions to Eliot computer room]
<Rince> turn 180 degrees right

*** Pornie is now known as Sellporn
<Rincewind> /nick Buyporn
<Sellporn> "not for sale"
<Rincewind> /nick rentporn
<Sellporn> "min £100"
<Rincewind> /nick previewporn
<Sellporn> "option A = £20 option B = £50"

* NQB-W considers setting up his desk fan
<NQB-W> although theres so much EMC flying through here that my TV is acting like my HD activity light
<NQB-W> another EM field may just be enough to open up a quantum singularity
<Morti> Do it, it'll be funny
<NQB-W> but the earth will be sucked into the resultant black hole and all its constituent atoms will be elongated until they are all one dimensional before all being compressed into roughly the same space as a gluon
<NQB-W> actually it would be quite funny

[talking about grocery shopping]
* bel|bored gave up trying to buy online
<bel|bored> i buy the packets
<bel|bored> i'm a drama student damn it
<bel|bored> i go by looks :p

* Alex thinks Pyro should enter World Most Sarcastic Man competition
<Pyro> Alex: I entered last year, but when the judges said "are you here for the competition" I said "No, the pie tasting, it starts just afterwards"
<Pyro> and they believed me

<Pyro> IRC big brother! genius!
<Pyro> who will @BigBrother kickban this week?

<red_pill|examavotion> its a prosers where one puts an elcrical current thoug there penis
*** kimble-AWAY is now known as kimble
* blondie notes the word "penis" brings kimble here...
*** kimble is now known as kimble-AWAY

<Smugami> lookup break
<Monty> Lookup:
<Morti|Work> Lookup broke :D

[Borris is another bot, without Monty's text learning]
<Mikerosoft> sor