QUOTES-IRC-02 was last updated at Tue Jul 29 21:25:09 2003.
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* Dan_McM got a copy of The Selfish Gene out of the library and some hardline xtian had helpfully 'annotated' the text with comments like "Rubbish! Man is ABOVE the animals!"
<iBot> monty: how's it going
<Monty> scooby doo push pineapple shake the swapfile free will.
<TT> it's alright tho, i'm a mormon. :)
<swampy> ah and im an idiot so thats ok!!
<MrTea> oh dear, Monty's been Eliza'd?
<Monty> That is interesting. Please continue.
<lambda|campus> monty what is your idea of the ideal date?
<Monty> pie
<Tiggs> monty pub?
<Monty> Please go on.
<Tiggs> you wanna go to the pub monty?
<Monty> You're not really talking about me... are you ?
<ben> monty, you're not being helpful, are you?
<Monty> once
<Tiggs> once what monty?
<Monty> ooooooooooo pub....
* foo has an E450 to rackmount :D
<jester> good luck
<jester> let me know if you need an ambulance any time
<foo> can you put a new spine on order for me?
<jimbo> you'll have to put that on back-order dude :D
<Andy> monty, remind me in 36500 days to thank the mad scientist for the potion of immortality.
<Monty> Andy: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Thu Jul 13 15:42:56 BST 2102
* foo waits for the 'Solaris Management Console' which is aptly named as it works about as fast as normal management
<Robbo> and she did fondle my shoulder when i passed her near the bar before
* Robbo just read it all wrong
<Paul> no, i think it's just women being strange, robbo
<Robbo> yeah, prolly
<pseudoGeek> we are a strange lot
<la_haine> yeah, stick with men, like Paul does
<Paul> damn right :o)
<Paul> er
<Monty> anyone happen to wanking
<Robbo> talk to paul about that, monty
<Monty> i need a very big mouth :)
* ben notes his parents new address sounds like a porn star name
<ben> "Twenty La Rocco"
* NQB-W[geeks] reckons he could do with some sheep
<Paul> so you're saying if i say i'm wibbly you'll all stop?
* Paul wants moof's babies
* Paul is wibbly
<Moof> see, we *knew* it
<Oliphaunt> what kind of job will you be looking for?
<ntm> shrug
<ntm> non-legal.
<Oliphaunt> you're looking for an illegal job? :P
[talking about a quote...]
<Robbo> i don't know who those people are
<la_haine> well, Phill said people aren't getting sex, and then Sarah, who I presume is his girlfriend, took her hand away away from him, and commented that he wasn't getting sex either
<Melanie> Who's Sarah?
<la_haine> she's a small girl who goes around with Phill
<Melanie> I was thinking Mrsfoo Sarah
<Dan_McM> Phill= Autonomous Panda
<Melanie> Ohh, that Phill.
<la_haine> I forget what her nick is
<pseudoGeek> OSarah
<la_haine> really?
<pseudoGeek> think so
<la_haine> I don't
<la_haine> I think that's a different Sarah again
<azz> OSarah is Sarah-and-Jenny Sarah
<Robbo> who's phill?
<la_haine> Phil Lovell
<la_haine> but Phill isn't going out with OSarah, is he?
<Melanie> Well, he was PhilL on misc.
<pseudoGeek> yes
<Melanie> Blimey.
<pseudoGeek> hang on
<pseudoGeek> this would be Gandlaf phil
<la_haine> no
<pseudoGeek> right
<Pete> yes
<la_haine> ARGH
<la_haine> TOO MANY NAMES!
<ben> my brain....melting....
<GeeeZa> PhilL is going out with someone else I though
<la_haine> it's Phil Lovell
<Robbo> gandalf's going out with Osarah?
<Pete> its Phill Camp!
<pseudoGeek> Robbo: yes
<la_haine> I thought he was going out with Sophie
<pseudoGeek> nope
<la_haine> someone draw a diagram of this
<GeeeZa> so which Phill is phil going out with then?
<la_haine> Phill is going out with Phil?
<GeeeZa> gah
<GeeeZa> sarah
<pseudoGeek> I hate the word individual
<Dan_McM> pseudoGeek: only to be expected from a Gap customer :o)
<Moof> o/~ It isn't easy when your team makes a nightmare out of a dream. It isn't easy patiently watching them snatch defeat from the jaws of victory
<la_haine> what a lot of cliches in that lyric, Moof
<Moof> it's supposed to be clichéd
<la_haine> o/~ the bird in the hand that's worth two in the bush should look before it leaps, if it wishes to get the worm
[fivegeeks household off the net due to BT incompetance...]
* ben wishes monty was telepathic
<ben> <thought>monty, tell everyone at BT YOU FUCKING SUCK</thought>
<aj> vaguely interesting
<Mithrandir|Gurgle> no you have a nice arse
<Mithrandir|Gurgle> doh
Phill typing into the wrong window
[talking about www.ratemyrack.com]
<Melanie> Yeah, it gets boring, really
<Melanie> Especially when I could just take my top off and go, 'hmm, 6'
[in August]
<Paul> it's my dad's surprise 50th birthday party today, and i won't be there :(
<Paul> it probably will be quite a surprise, too, seeing as his birthday is in november
<foo[afk]> Monty: remind me to ask Hannes about Feb
<Monty> later :)
<foo[afk]> yes, Monty, later
<Monty> last night?
* foo goes to book a hotel
<Melanie> Dirty weekend with jester, eh?
<foo> lol! no
<la_haine> hmm, who'd be the bitch?
<Melanie> foo, definitely
<la_haine> but jester isn't that butch, really...
<ben|film|zzz> more butch than foo though...
<Melanie> Are we really having this conversation?
<foo> i hope not
* archmoo notes that was good beef chow mein ... even if I didn't have any beef. (mmm home cooked chinese food)
<_58fr> well it wasn't beef chow mein then
<_58fr> it was just chow mein
<_58fr> you just had a tin of beansprouts, didn't you?
<archmoo> _58fr: actually I didn't have any beansprouts either :)
<_58fr> archmoo: have you actually eaten at all?
[reading spam]
<la_haine> woo, I can add three inches to my penis
<la_haine> lol
<la_haine> We honor all
<la_haine> removal requests
<nuked> ibot port 445
<iBot> port 445 is microsoft-ds - Microsoft-DS
<nuked> wtf is that ?
<iBot> it has been said that that is quite worrying :)
<foo> iBot: seen Monty
<Monty> YES< WATCH ME TYPE
<Robbo> monty tell gary did i have sex with you last night? No? Then why have you left me 5 missed calls in 2 hours?
<Robbo> ben: i can't get to rathergood.com
<ben> odd, since it's working here..
<Robbo> ben: i've firewalled it locally
<Robbo> i hate that fucking site
* la_haine sighs at Verity
<la_haine> she's put me in the Underground customer database because she needed a test user
<la_haine> but she needed to test the middle name field as well, and I don't have a middle name
<la_haine> so she made one up for me
<la_haine> so now I'll forever be known to the London Undergound as Paul Herbaceous Haine
<Paul> i think the best bit about my trip to the USA was when Peter Rodgers was driving the hire car and suddenly swerved after shouting "SHIT I'M ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!"
<Fox> poke Vikki till she comes and we will be up for it
<Fox> can I rephrase that
* GeeeZa notes clisubg jhis eyes amkes hime feel more frunk
[ordering takeaway]
* ben phones then
<ben> ARG
<ben> "Hello Mr Charlton, how are you today?"
<ben> "..."
<ben> "You always order the same thing, you should try something else"
<WilleKe> i have no english monez
<WilleKe> mony
<WilleKe> sigh
<WilleKe> m o n e y
<WilleKe> i do have an english keyboard, however :P
* Tim notes we're activating keberos on modem, probably.
* Tim peers
<Tim> that'd be monday, of course, not modem
<Tim> and kerberos, not keberos.
<Tim> and hopefully, not probably. ;)
<ben> "Tissue engineers have successfully replaced rabbits' penises with segments grown in the lab from the creatures' own cells."
<ben> I'm never buying kleenex again
<ben> Moof: I'm happy to let them play with php until they accidentally fall and cut themselves on it
<ben> then I'll let them bleed to death while pointing and laughin
<Tim> Paul
<Paul> tim
<Tim> can you do me a quick favour?
<Paul> as long as it's not sexual again
<Tim> ok, I'll leave that till later
* Paul slaps mel but accidentally gets knocked out by a swinging booby
* Melanie peers.
<Melanie> Manboobs?
[returning from pao's house with a huge pile of computer equipment...]
[13:03:46] --- azz|kung is now known as azz]
[13:05:02] --- ben|pao is now known as ben]
[13:07:36] <azz> monty, remind us never to visit pao again]
[13:07:36] <ben> monty, remind me to never visit pao again ;)]
* Rob rolls a marble gently across the floor
* neil|work catches the marble, and playfully rolls it back
* Rob takes the marble and throws it full force into neils face
* neil|work cacthes the marble in his mouth, and spits it in robs eye
* Rob catches the marble in his eye and eyespits it into neils anus
* Rob refuses to touch the marble from now on
* neil|work gives up, as he is obviously completing against a supiror marble warrior
* Paul got blood all over the bathroom in the midle of the night, whoops
* pseudoGeek gets a bit sentimental
<la_haine> for the blood?
<la_haine> you vegetarians
* Tim peers at e-mail from "Paul" about "FREE SEX"
<foo> yes pls
* Paul has to restrict offer to people in this house sadly
<Brett> hello all! does anyone know how to configure edonkey2000??
* GeeeZa puts on the SBS hat
<GeeeZa> hello
<GeeeZa> I'm a drunken member of staff
* azz notes that BT have just fixed our ADSL, so the "couple of days" might actually be true as of now ;)
<ben> "Oct 4 19:13:00 veloci pppd[11027]: Connection terminated."
[netsplit follows...]
<ducttape> hang on a sec, this ain't my bra
<ben> of course, the pots need doing first
<Tim> there's something to be said for washing up after dinner daily :)
<RGT> yes: "Bugger that"
* archmoo has shiny copy of Trigun
* Rorschach is archmoo's friend
<Rorschach> you're looking especially fine and dandy today, archmoo
<Rorschach> hyave you been working out?
<Rorschach> Xtr3m3 P33n15
<archmoo> xtreme peenis, I think someone can't spell
<RGT> hes just trying to make it longer than yours ;)
<Monty> JediMaster: 3.141592653589793
<JediMaster> ta monty
<Monty> If you had any friends, they would all fantasise about Ulverstonian girls!!!
<ben> pornolizer?
<ben> "The gamahucheing Templeman "Motherfucker" Library Information "Superdick" Gateway
<ben> "Using the banging Library
<ben> Spanking times, thrusts, borrowing, other services"
<ben> "Gangbanging the banging library
<ben> Full titty fucks on cocksucking the library and key library staff"
<Tim> we turned off old passwords today for staff... :)
<Tim> that was fun. "I can't check my e-mail" "I know" "why?" "You didn't read your mail did you?" "Ermm..."
* MrTea wonders what "I'm the predictive jargon jargon wombat" would translate to
<MrTea> or I could just have a japanese theme tune, "Watashi wa PREDICTIVE JARGON JARGON WOMBAT"
<foo> Rorschach: no, when you are tired of Red Dwarf and Blackadder, you are tired of life
<Fox> try wanking foo
<Fox> it will help
[the suggestion was made that Fox might like to add a comma there...]
<Ghosty> ibot divine is the Meat Loaf & cheese night going to be a success?
* iBot shakes the psychic prismatic sphere...
<iBot> It says 'Eat more cheese, then ask again,' Ghosty
*** Reggitsti has joined #cs
* Reggitsti has ringing in his ears
<SlimeyPete> ?
<Reggitsti> HELLO
<SlimeyPete> that'd b ur phone Reggitsti
<Paul|mIRC> I'M ON MY MOBILE
<Paul|mIRC> YEAH I'M IN #CS
<Paul|mIRC> YEAH IT'S SHIT
<Paul|working> talk about batty
<Paul|working> but i'll be batty for 100 quid
<Paul|working> erm
<Paul|working> maybe i didn't want to say that
<pseudoGeek> coldplay do not sux0r
<Melanie> Wrongwrongwrong.
<Melanie> Dull generic indie.
* la_haine puts on some shrieking, terrifying, awful goth music instead, to appease mel
<Melanie> Shh. :oP
<la_haine> o/~ I HAVE DREADLOCKS AND I WEAR BLACK NEUYEGHEGGEHGHEGGE
<la_haine> <fx: electrical noises>
<la_haine> o/~ LOOK AT MY NEON BOOTIES OH THE PAIN OF EXISTANCE BOOOOOOOOO
<la_haine> <fx: white noise for 3 hours>
<Tim> cb, are you down in the SBS room on your own?
<cb|SBS> Tim: yup... did you walk past a few mins ago?
<Tim> yup :)
<cb|SBS> you interrupted my weird arm movements while mentally recoding my java program =p
<jaded> monty, is anyone here?
<Monty> busy being remarkably geeky neil.
<SlimeyPete> monty random
<Monty> Random number: 20
<SlimeyPete> monty random
<Monty> Random number: 67
<SlimeyPete> monty random
<SlimeyPete> monty random
<Monty> Random number: 26
<SlimeyPete> monty random
<Monty> Random number: 16
<Monty> Random number: 94
<SlimeyPete> monty random
<Mortuus47> You boring bastard :-P
<Monty> Random number: 30
<SlimeyPete> monty random
<Monty> Random number: 19
<SlimeyPete> monty random
<Monty> Random number: 57
<SlimeyPete> yeah i know
<SlimeyPete> but i aint seen a 47 yet
<Mortuus47> monty random
<Monty> Random number: 47
<Mortuus47> It's all in how you ask
<SlimeyPete> okayyyy
<Mortuus47> (fucking hell, what were the odds!?) ^_^
<MrTea> I dreamt that I had an assignment set by Anne Robinson to bake a cake before 10AM
<MrTea> Mel: I baked it in my dream, but I never looked at the time, and it was already midday when I finished
<MrTea> I'd left my phone on silent, so I discovered a SMS from Anne Robinson saying "where is your cake?"
<Reaper> right, now then, the plain black tshirt, the other plain black tshirt, the plain black roll neck or the plain black tshirt?
<foo> Rah: you get my email?
<Rah> yeah
<Rah> but i can't open the attatchment
<_58fr> you think it's tricky now, rah, wait till he tries to get you to put it on with your mouth
<creature> As I say, I'm confident in my firewall.
<creature> So any and all of you are welcome to throw what you like at it. Be as nefarious as you like.
* Mortuus47 goes to creatures place and throws bricks at his firewall
<creature> Mortuus47 - I'm a pacifist.
<creature> However, if you do throw bricks at my box, I'll throw them right back, harder.
* Ghosty looks under his bed in an attempt to eliminate the strange smell in his room
<Mortuus47> Ghosty: Leave the room
<Ghosty> Mortuus47: How will I find the smell that way?
* Mainframe shoots both Mortuus47's :P
* Mortuus47 has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<KC|ll2> u hit one
* Clarie grins at jimbo
* lambda grins at jimbo
* lambda grins at Clarie
* jimbo grins at lambda
* Clarie grins at lambda
<la_haine> bloody christians
* jimbo grins at la_haine
* Clarie grins at la_ahine
* lambda grins at la_haine
*** jester has quit (Ping timeout)
[two minutes later...]
*** jester has joined #jamsandwich
* jester beats the logitech designer who decided it would be a good idea to put the standby button right next to the escape key
*** chat_ has joined #cs
*** Hal sets mode: +o chat_
<Monty> Hal and chat_ sitting in a tree...
one of Monty's random greetings being appropriate for once...
<jester> okay corporal, engage the ostrich
<jester> "ostrich engaged sir, standing by"
<jester> set goat to 55 weemies
<jester> "55 weemies for goat, copy"
<jester> actually, make it 58, we don't want a repeat of last Saturday
<jester> squirrel defibrilators to manual and cross check
* Reaper eats the squirrels.
<jester> they're triple redundant, we thought of that
<jester> "sir, weemie count on goat number 12 is 58.9 and climbing fast"
<jester> pst...goats
<Melanie> Noo, not the goats. Have they been suitably prepared?
<jester> yes mistress
<jester> the control rods are in place
<jester> "sir, goats 14 through 19 are reaching critical weemie mass"
<Paul> Yes. I honestly think that #cs is sane compared with this.
<Melanie> "Need 24,000 in 24 hours?" 24,000 whats, exactly?
<Reaper> mel: thousandths of an hour? ;)
<creature|shower> Anyway, I'm off to Paul's lovely Java class.
<Paul|happy> fuck!
<Paul|happy> i forgot about that
<Paul|happy> thanks for reminding me :)
* Pete kicks pam modules
* Petroquincey kicks her husband, ian modules.
<Melanie> Oh, I've found out that chavs are indeed a different species to us. Overheard onna bus: <girl1> My lungs are here, aren't they? <girl2> Nah, your lungs are down there. Up there's your fallopian tube, what you breathe through.
<foo> Monty: translate into dutch No, thanks
<Monty> Sex in darwin
<Geo|elsewhere> tell me about it
<ScumBOT> Tell yourself fool!
<Rodney> Tell yourself you lazy old git!
<ScumBOT> Sure, I'll tell yourself that next time i see them.
<Rodney> Ok ScumBOT, I will Tell yourself that next time I see them walk past Nelson Mandela House.
<Rorschach> hmmm, anyone know what year Reaper's in?
<la_haine> 3rd
<Em> 3rd
<Dan_McM> 1985, judging by his CD collection
<Monty> because then whatever korn/SOaD type specified in #cs ? there is fantastic
<Rorschach> sweet, monty's quoting me ;)
<Monty> <- lazy
<Melanie|afk> I like the fact they have a server called 'parody'
<BleanDweller> mmm Vanessa Parody has a lovely bottom
<jester> who?
<BleanDweller> french
<jester> you've lost me
<BleanDweller> trust me, she has a lovely bum
<Melanie|afk> Paradis
<Melanie|afk> Not Parody, you fool
<BleanDweller> thats the one :P
<Kyser|AFK> This role will suit a recent Graduate or a Junior Software developer who has gained application development experience in Real time environments.
<nert> maybe they mean "your body clock must be in the daylight, you damned students"
<cb|SBS> Scumbag : sorry about forgetting the DVDs...
<Scumbag> cb, no problem
<Scumbag> can't rip them anyway
<cb|SBS> Scumbag : how come?
<Scumbag> cb|campus, i have no dvd drive
<Scumbag> i kinda forgot
*** Demented [Demented@dhcp6118.ukc.ac.uk] has joined #occam
<Demented> who speaks turkish in here?
*** Demented [Demented@dhcp6118.ukc.ac.uk] has quit [Quit: ]
<ben> ARG
<ben> I'm going to have to iron something
<ben> FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 AND A HALF YEARS
<pseudoGeek> If Liz is up for experimentation you can send her my way ;o)
*** skel has joined #cs
<Monty> lo skel
<skel> hello Monty
<Monty> wet shave your computer
<grr> i think this channel could benefit from more SINGLE girls
<Rorschach> grr - i think I could benefit from more single girls
<Mortuus47> I can't be bothered to put any clothes on
*** DJ_Mike has joined #cs
<Nath> HEADLINE NEWS - MONSTER WITH NO CLOTHES ON TERRIFYING CANTERBURY EARLY IN THE MORNING. 7 DEAD
<Nath> :p
<DJ_Mike> Oh my god, I must sleepwalk :O
<N|afk> monty remind Mortuus47 at 11:50 to run like a bitch
<Monty> pfff effort ;)
<SlimeyPete> Monty let's go make babies
<Monty> kay...
* SlimeyPete is now known as SlimeyPete|MakinBabies
<SlimeyPete|MakinBabies> woo! he said yes!
* SlimeyPete|MakinBabies gets down to it
<pj> you're in there
<pj> leave monty alone. you might get some botty infection
<Monty> CutGlass, a ton of two hookers night he look at it enough
<mimic> back to padme's sex life
* padme pounces on jd
<Tiggs> :)
<Mortuus47> Timing :-P
<padme> indeedly
<padme> :P
* Mortuus47 pounces on... Monty
<Monty> Ive never even
<Mortuus47> I know, Monty, I know, I'll be gentle
[Elvis is Clarie's guinea pig.]
<creature> Clarie - mind if I come down and spend the day with you tomorrow?
* creature has nothing to do after the maths test.
<creature> And I'll only spend it moping if I have nothing to do - rather mope and make a fuss of Elvis. :)
<Clarie> creaure: I hought it was elvis yu wanted :-)
<creature> Nah, it's you I want, but if I spend my day stroking you I'd get slapped. :)
<Mortuus47> http://www.jibble.org/montyquotes.php
<Monty> insignificant
<Mainframe> hold it
<Mainframe> /\
<Mainframe> /--\ __
<Mainframe> /----\||
<Mainframe> /------\|
<Mainframe> /------- \
<Mainframe> | _ _ |
<Mainframe> | |_| |_| |
<Mainframe> | ___ |
<Mainframe> | | | |
<Mainframe> -----------
<Mainframe> there we go =
<Mainframe> ]
<Mainframe> ph34r my house
<Mainframe> :D
<Mainframe> <== thats how bored that i am :P
* SlimeyPete looks at the empty Baileys bottle he bought two days ago
<SlimeyPete> it wasnt empty then
<SlimeyPete> of course
<SlimeyPete> im not THAT stupid
<Mortuus47> Monty, make love to me?
<Monty> if (Jeffrey Archer == cigarettes) { prognosis sits on awakening Jeffrey Archer;}
<Mortuus47> Monty please don't talk about Jeffrey Archer everytime I mention sex
<MrTea> Monty, do you want some cake?
<Monty> You're not really talking about me... are you ?
<MrTea> Yes, Monty, I am...
<Monty> Urgh.
<khaz|film> friday the 22nd of november cant come fast enough
<khaz|film> for two reasons:
<khaz|film> i hand in all my work
<khaz|film> AND I HAVE AN ANIME MARATHON!
<nert> "but sir, it's impossible to attempt watching 7 series at once!" "Nevertheless, I shall attempt it!"
* GeeeZa listens to Pink Floyd - When The Tiggers Broke Free
<azz> GeeeZa: erm, When The Tiggers Broke Free? this would be the little-known "Winnie The Pooh" album?
<Monty> I reckon ideas + teddy = electronic pics?
<Sellars> dirty monty
<Monty> rofl
* Sellars slaps monty
<Monty> ..yeah, that.
<Sellars> youre not meant to enjoy that monty
<Monty> i'll go in sense: as pressing, rubbing, or similar things -> coffee break?
<iBot> well, mugshots is http://mugshots.fivegeeks.net/
<TheUnforgiven> hmm that didnt work 30 seconds ago, got a very odd page
<TheUnforgiven> I got a info page redirecting to piles.org
that'd be pils.us-lot.org...
<Monty> NES == nimiety;
<Mortuus47> I don't think Monty should be allowed to learn from people quoting code
<Monty> erectile-tissue's creased marmelade attacks pubic hairs's creased butter.
<Mortuus47> He should also not be allowed to learn from Paul, obviously
<jester> look out ben, dell latitudes can burn your penis
<jester> http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/54/28245.html
<ben> jester: yeah, nasty
<ben> glad I don't have one ;)
<ben> latitude that is, not penis
<Mortuus47> You just had surgery, Monty
<Monty> Clarie|drying ?
<Mortuus47> No, Monty, Paul saved you
<Monty> but i haven't read Heart of hte night. *fingers crossed*
<Mortuus47> But Monty, you survived! You'll have time to read it.
<Monty> lol, we were discussing you not me!
<Mortuus47> Actually Monty we were discussing you
<Monty> addressing relatives :P
<Mortuus47> Yeah, Monty, you're like a brother
<Monty> In what way ?
<Mortuus47> In a nice way, Monty
<Monty> woohoo
<foo> well, it has overnight to post
* foo pops off to the loo
* foo slaps it about
<AllanC> At work today I decided I havent had any exercise for ages so I started carwheeling across the balcony while nobody was looking .. then my manager walk up the stairs mid flip ... rumbled...
<nert> and al - that's brilliant :) how rumbled was rumbled?
<AllanC> rumbled as in ... M:"What are you doing" A:"Being a Ninja" M:"Get back on your sweet stand, the intervle is in 5 minets"
*** mode/#jibblers [+o AllanC] by chrislamb
<AllanC> I can feel the power flowing through my fingers .. I alwasys knew I had the power!! BUT NOW!!!!
<AllanC> WOOHAHAH!!! who shall challange me!
<Paul> monty command password /list
<Monty> penis.
<Paul> bah
<Paul> i guess i'd better change that password
<ntm> Moof: shrug. linux is almost as frustrating as the union, but it doesn't crash as much.
* SlimeyPete looks up The Cure on amazon.co.uk and it tells him "You may also like: Pornography"
<Monty> /------\|
<Mortuus47> Monty's quoting Mainframe's house!
<Monty> ph33r Mainframe's house!
<Mortuus47> Monty, were you going to remind me about something?
<Monty> raming rice?
<Mortuus47> No, something to do with the oven, Monty
<Monty> long enuff
<Mortuus47> Yes, it's been a while, Monty
<Monty> At the stash ;) woooooohooooooooooooooooo
<Mortuus47> Monty, I'm not "at the stash". Now remind me...
<Monty> Is it because you are not at the stash that you came to me?
<Monty> Mortuus47: You asked me to remind you to check the oven
<Mortuus47> That and I want you to remind me to check my...
<Mortuus47> Yeah
<jimbo> monty remind me in 1 day to pay the parking fine
<Monty> jimbo: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Sun Nov 24 17:44:50 GMT 2002
<jimbo> monty remind me in 2 days to pay the parking fine
<Monty> jimbo: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Mon Nov 25 17:44:58 GMT 2002
<jimbo> monty remind me in 3 days to pay the parking fine
<Monty> jimbo: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Tue Nov 26 17:45:04 GMT 2002
<jimbo> monty remind me in 4 days to pay the parking fine AND add more reminders
<Monty> jimbo: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Wed Nov 27 17:45:18 GMT 2002
<Paul|tidyingUp> that trip to the kitchen was more dangerous than i had expected
<Paul|tidyingUp> i just hit myself in the knackers with a 400g toblerone that slipped out of its wrapper when i picked it up
<azz> "man killed in fatal toblerone accident"
*** Rorschach has joined #jamsandwich
<Rorschach> but still, you're looking especially fine and dandy today, Tim [/butter up]
<Paul> *suckkk*
* Rorschach dislocates his jaw due to the *massive* size of Tim's penis :P
<Tim> what have you used it for?
<Fox> see if that fixes the badger
<Reaper|home> what are you doing to a badger, neil?
<MrTea> best not to ask
<MrTea> he might be fscking it
<Pete> kilgore: can i have marble.ukc.ac.uk.061
<Kilgore> sure, I'll go and dig it out
[half an hour later...]
<Kilgore> Pete: you made me go over to the library to get a tape you read 1K from!! :)
<la_haine> I was outside keynes once when a delivery guy asked me where 'the university' was
<la_haine> i told him I didn't know
<SlimeyPete> oh, sod this, im gonna boot into windows, windows *works*
* Quits ->SlimeyPete
* Joins[#cs] ->SlimeyPete
<SlimeyPete> my, thats novel
<SlimeyPete> windows hasnt loaded the desktop
<SlimeyPete> no wallparer, icons, nothing
<SlimeyPete> i have a taskbar but nothing else
<jd> ibot kill monty
<Monty> try iy
* iBot attacks Monty with an industrial grinder and films the action for all to see.
<Monty> yes, I FINK NOT!
<ben> argh
<ben> THERE'S SALAD IN THE HOUSE!
[newbie failing to grasp that Moof isn't a student any more...]
<Moof> I finished my fourth year last year
<Saniul> wow
<Saniul> 5years, what course are you doing?
<Moof> Master of Engineering in Computer Science
<Moof> i suppos, if I were really clever, I would have stopped studying last year and left the university
<Moof> it palls after a while
<Saniul> you live on campus
<Moof> nope, I'm not living on campus anymore
<Saniul> let me guess, Tyler right
<Moof> heh, nah, Tyler wouldn't have me
<Moof> Saniul: I live in a little-known area isouth-east of campus kwon as bonanova
<Saniul> nice name
<creature> You're in the same room as me! You're 1 foot in front of me! TURN AROUND AND TALK!
<creature> And yes, I do appreciate the irony in me typing this.
<OJen> oh dear
<OJen> !!!
<OJen> people around me's computers are crashing
* OSarah (OSarah@dhcp601B.ukc.ac.uk) Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<Robbo> tanner: she looks like a reject from the osbournes, who is she?
<Robbo> robbo: kelly osbourne
<azz> ugh, I wish I could motivate myself to actually do something
<jester> do stuff azz!
<jester> do it now
<jester> stuff
<jester> get on with it
<jester> right this minute
* jester fetches pompoms
<jester> Raa raa, sampson raa
<dt|afk> ibot divine should I go to town as a woman
* iBot shakes the psychic prismatic sphere...
<iBot> It says 'Outlook Sucks,' dt|afk
<dt|afk> ibot divine should I go to town as a man
* iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere...
<iBot> It says 'In your dreams,' dt|afk
<dt|afk> ibot divine should I go to town as a genderinspecific random wierdo?
* iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere...
<iBot> It says 'Obviously,' dt|afk
<Allan> CutGlass: Slaps at everything ... Nerts the bitch of the house ... we have a bitch food chain ... Ian is at the top ... followed by me ... then Nert is the Baby that takes the slaps
<Allan> but about all of us is Claire ... she owns us
<Allan> above
<Allan> not about ...
<nert> his theory is correct, but sadly his placement is incorrect.. we usually keep him tangled in a drying rack, as he sits at the bottom of the ladder;)
<Allan> CutGlass: Word of advice .. if Claire asks for a friendly game of Monopoly, my advice? DECLINE politely and firmly
<Robbo> i put my phone in a pint of beer tonight
<Robbo> i phoned someone i'd not spoken to in months
<Robbo> she was studying in boston
<Robbo> so i put my phone in the beer
<Robbo> seemed reasonable
<foo> lookup vaticide
<Monty> Lookup: Vaticide \Vat"i*cide\, n. [L. vates a prophet + caedere to kill.] The murder, or the murderer, of a prophet. ``The caitiff vaticide.'' --Pope..
<ben> is that like how VAT murders your profit?
[Moof at linux.conf.au]
* Moof gulps
<Moof> I've just loudly declaimed to someone on the table that I don't read slashdot
<Moof> turns out it's Hemos
* Robbo just bought a beard trimmer
<Robbo> have it.
<Fox|Campus> no thanks, i don't have a beard
<Robbo> i leave my phone at home when i go out drinking now
<azz> ah, that's my approach too
<Robbo> you always leave your phone at home, and you don't drink, right?
<azz> well, yes
[talking about Java breakage]
<Neil> impressivly so too, I would imagine ...
<foo> no, you'd just get null pointer exceptions all over the joint
<Neil> You wouldn't call that an impressive breakage?
<foo> nah ;)
<Neil> unhandled CPUOnFireException?
* Moof wonders how people will take the news the first time Allan declares
* himself for a woman
* Moof will ponder investin in Hell Ice Cream inc.
<AllanC> Moof: one day ... i'll try and have nert there to video it though ... nert looks so cute in his maid outfit
<AllanC> I MEAN!! NO!!!
<AllanC> NO!!
<nert> o.O
<AllanC> Not nert .. NO!
* Fox hugs iBot
<iBot> hands off!
<Fox> bitch
<Fox> don't you love me?
<xmassheep> skel does padme: should be aboot 25 mins
<Moof> Trapper|doingstuff: not really. A fox fdoesn't have a prehensile tail, and doesn't eat a metric shitload of leaves every day
<skel> "metric shitload" ROFL
<Moof> skel: this is as opposed to an imperial shiteload
<Trapper|doingstuff> i think we had to learn their conversion at high school
<Moof> cos they went all metric here in kiwiland
<Trapper|doingstuff> now let me see...
<Trapper|doingstuff> an imperial shiteload is equivilent to one and a half metric shit;loads is it not?
<Moof> Trapper|doingstuff: an imperial shiteload is 17 craploads, and there's 13.875 craploads to a metric shitload
<creature> Fuck!
<creature> I can't do my laundry!
<creature> I've sorted it all out, and it can't be done. :<
<creature> Because I left my coat at this party last night, and it had my wallet in.
<Iain> anyone seen Phill?
<Tim> yeah
<Tim> I can see him now :)
<Tim> shall I pass a message to hm?
<Iain> Is he in earshot of his phone?
<Tim> he's in our office
<Tim> so he's not by his phone
<Iain> What about mobile?
<Tim> in his pocket :)
<Iain> I'll rty that again...
<Tim> okey :)
<Iain> is it ringing?
<Tim> could be bad reception
<Iain> doh!
<Tim> he's gone now...
<jimbo> how soon after graduation do raptor logins go?
<Tim> last year it was within minutes, literally ;)
<la_haine> just can't hold yourself back, eh Tim?
<Tim> it's you guys, not us!
<la_haine> ah, come on, don't tell me you don't sit there cackling with glee as you watch the logins vanish
<Tim> well....
<Tim> ;)
<Tim> I'll admit to tailing the right logfile ;)
<Tim> But that doesn't mean I enjoyed it ;)
[In the 5g kitchen: RGT: "One of my favourite things about Dune is how interstellar travel depends on the spice." azz: "June? Oh, *Dune*." A couple of weeks later...]
* ben|WW wonders WHERE THE FUCK ARE KUDOS?
<RGT> azz thinks they will now use up all the 30mins for the times they have been early
<RGT> so we may not get fed until June
<RGT> but on the plus side, we will also have interstella travel ;)
<Clarie> padme: tomorrow, you on campus?
<padme> yes
<Clarie> yay!
<Clarie> could you bring goat and diary/
<SlimeyPete> as alex might say: hippy posse, free love stylee
<blondie|cpp> huh?
<SlimeyPete> alex == creature
<blondie|cpp> = false :P
<SlimeyPete> if (alex == gay) { alex = blondie } else if (alex == longHair) { alex = creature }
<SlimeyPete> happy now?
<SlimeyPete> distinct enuff?
<Yuri> stupid monty.... where is your AI???
<Monty> jd: IIRC it's not mention that often
* ben growls at software raid
<Rah> software raid?
<Rah> who is doing a software raid and where?
<foo> Mortuus47: thanks for the chat
<Mortuus47> S'okay foo.
* Moof wonders how Mortuus47 managed to smuggle a french cat into California
* Robbo screams arbitarily at Liverpudlians
<RGT> thats a natural reaction
<Fox> yeah its normally "give me back your wallet"
<Fox> your
<Fox> my
<Fox> not your
<Fox> maybe it is
<Fox> maybe they are crap at mugging
* Robbo looks for cars under £500
<Paul> unless it's £500 worth of 1ps, i doubt you'll find a car under it
* Pete would like to meet the person who made jsp/servlets and shake his hand....
<Pete> and keep shaking it so hard it rips it off his arm
<Pete> then pour petrol on it and set it on fire.
<pseudoGeek> would giving blood possibly cause stomach cramps?
<la_haine> depends where they took it from, I guess
<pseudoGeek> haine: my arm f00l
<Reaper> from your arm f00l? what's an arm f00l? is it like a servant of some kind?
<pseudoGeek> no it's the amount of blood they take, an arm-f00l or a leg-f00l...
* skel recompiles trapper's kernel again for fun
<creature|gone> You've got some odd definitions.
<creature|gone> The way you think "I'm bored. What shall I do. I could read a book, boogie off somewhere. I know, let's recompile someone else's kernel!"
<creature|gone> Of course, depending on what you're compiling in, it could be a hoot.
<creature|gone> I think you should compile in a patch to make every 100th keystroke one letter out.
<creature|gone> It'll play havoc with her touch-typing.
<Sharky|away> monty say something worthwhile
<Monty> Every single day, you admit responsibility for horrible women.
* moof ponders baptising the ? a 'duh'
<moof> and therefore the ! is a 'doh'
<Reaper> scumbag?
<Scumbag> Reaper: ?
<Robbo> Reaper|bout?
<Robbo> Scumbag?
<Robbo> Robbo?
<Scumbag> Robbo: ?
<pseudoGeek> Robbo?
<pseudoGeek> pseudoGeek?
<pseudoGeek> ;)
<Robbo> pseudoGeek?
<azz> this is the paranoid version of The Waltons, yes?
<RGT> speaking of which do we have scary washing up and food plans?
<ben> yes, and yes
<RGT> does it involve a dozen Japanese schoolgirls doing the washing up then delicately hand-feeding me with takeaway?
<ben> I'm afraid not
<RGT> Can I propose a change to the plan? ;)
* GeeeZa decides to sit on his arse playing guitar for a few hours
<MrTea> you can play guitar with your arse?
<la_haine> no, he has a guitar that can play the arse, which he's going to sit on for a few hours
*** skel is now known as skel|gone
<padme> washing machiens live longer with skel|gone
* Clarie and ibot sing to virgin
<Clarie> ibot mama just killed a man
<iBot> Put a gun against his head
<Clarie> pulled my trigger
<iBot> now he's dead
<Tiggs> wow this is weird wearing earrings with butterfly backs, am used to belly-bar earrings :P
<Mortuus47> You must have big ears
<Tiggs> no
<Mortuus47> Go on, you must, take them
* Mortuus47 hates his ears
* Trapper wonders when Sellars will get up
* Trapper wonders when SlimeyPete will get up
<creature> Wore them out last night, did you?
<Trapper> no, just pete
<Trapper> sellars wore himself out afaik
<Trapper> I didn't mean that the way it came out...
* Trapper is glad that sellars will never see that
<NQB-W> hmm, why isn't Scumbot worhttp://www.search-4-porn.comking
<NQB-W> oh
<NQB-W> OK, time to empty my mouse buffer
* Clarie just had to phone her mobile to find whereit is
<Clarie> it was in my pocket :-(
<Clarie> oh man you know what's even worse?
<Clarie> my phone just had an unanswered call from someone I didn't recognise
<Clarie> so I phoned it
<Clarie> and it was me
<Mortuus47> Goats are okay though?
<Ducttape> erm, as long as they aren' human goats and under 16, sure
* Lee is now known as Lee|Bummed
<blondie|lonely> !!!!!!!!!!!
<barakta> !!!?
<blondie|lonely> lesbians *do* that?
<Mortuus47> Yeah, but it's not hard to find DT arguments on misc
<Mortuus47> It's like looking for a needle in a needle box
* jester consumes cherry cock
<jester> COKE
<jester> shit
<Mortuus47> Me: I'm worried about my Debian box, it's not working
<Mortuus47> My mum: If you'd said that earlier, I'd have got you an appointment at the doctor's
<foo> System Configuration: Sun Microsystems sun4u 8-slot Sun Enterprise E4500/E5500
<foo> System clock frequency: 100 MHz
<foo> Memory size: 9216Mb
<foo> with 12 400MHz CPUs
<ben> Penis size: 3"
<foo> Monty: you worry me sometimes
<Monty> clearly not really like a PC ;P
<foo> Monty: no, more like an electronic version of Fox
<Paul> remind me in 5 mins to jibble prim
<Paul> oh duh
<Paul> i can't believe how stupid that was. i turn off monty's box and then ask monty to remind me to turn it back on :-/
* Reaper peers at an email in his junk account.
<Reaper> "Ready to enlarge your pen"
<Reaper> I could write *really* big exam answers then...
<foo> how's my widdle iBot?
<la_haine> see a doctor about it, foo, not a bot
[talking about optimising graph algorithms]
<RGT> We could just write that we don't belive in absolute good and bad and that all graphs have the fundamental right to belive themselves to be the best solution
<RGT> Xiphi: heuristic == something that sounds convincing but doesn't bear up to close scrutiny
* Reaper declares it's too hot today.
<Xiphi|Revision> it's not too hot
<Xiphi|Revision> no-one's dying
<MrTea> dogs in cars probably are :/
<Xiphi|Revision> then they shouldn't be driving
<SlimeyPete> crap, the limited space on my SIM card means I can only make 175 more friends
<Ardin> im fighting my pelican account
<Ardin> I just spammed my email account with 500+ 17k emails, and i still use pelican, not regent...
<SlimeyPete> Dave: you e-mail bombed *yourself*??
<Ardin> not *intentionally*!
<Ardin> I forgot to turn off my pc motion detector whilst working last night
<Ardin> so every 5 seconds it sent a picture of my room *and me* to my email account
<SlimeyPete> *kiss* how was work?
<Rorschach> not bad, honey
<SlimeyPete> feck wrong winda heh
* Dave is back from Reading. I was gone for 35mins
[in another channel...]
<Morti> Dazza: Yoiu went all the way to Reading for 35 minutes?
<Morti> Wrong channel
<Morti> Wrong person
<Morti> Wrong spelling
<Morti> I'll get my coat
* Morti jibbles to REM - Monty Got A Raw Deal
<Monty> "3DLabs Wildcat IV 7110 (256MB VGA/DVI) Graphics Card (+£1,230"
<Reaper> whats the proper definition of "side effects"?
<Reaper> hair loss and vomiting?
<Reaper> for smalltalk at least.
<ben> smileybot: stats
<smileybot> Lines logged: 202, Total Smileys: 25
<smileybot> Top smiley user: Rorschach with 6 smileys
<azz> :) :) :) :) :) :)
<Rorschach> cheat! :P :P :P :P
<jam-stuff> [18:58] <azz> :) :) :) :) :) :) <-- norteh!
<jam-stuff> [18:58] <Rorschach> cheat! :P :P :P :P <- also norteh!
<Rorschach> jam, stop cheating :P
* Reaper just read "The Enterprise Language" as "The Enterprise League" and imagines some band of Distributed Super Heroes.
<Ducttape> you ok for food?
<Clarie> I@m great now thanks :-)
<Clarie> (thanks to Jesus and will combo)
<Rorchach> YOU'VE EATEN WIL?!?!
[in reference to a difficult CO312 exam]
<creature> e) Using only Mongolian goats, write a packet transfer protocol based around your knowledge of Captain Magellan's voyages. Answers must not include English; however, any middle-eastern language such as Swahili or Arabic is permissible. Bonus marks will be given for relating your answers to continental drift.
<RGT> so, you know the most important question that comes out of watching the Matrix: reloaded
<RGT> ?
<RGT> When is Equilibrium released on DVD?
* xmassheep just got a pm from shad0w: hallo, are you into hacking? <- rofl
<xmassheep> me: no, i'm just bored and making stuff up
<xmassheep> shad0w: but you know leetspeak
<foo> hmm, firebird is buggy ;)
<ben> firebird is not buggy
<ben> lies!
<ben> there are no bugs in firebird!
<ben> they are committing suicide at the gates of bugzilla!
<Fox> sorry in advance for this....
<Fox> '[;olikujyhgtkm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxbvvm,,n..........;';lkn,;'[][i6
<Fox> o+*/8-=97541~~~~~~0~1~3~4~0~~~~~4~~
<Fox> just dusting my kb
<skel> what do you want done with this PHP book I have, creature?
<creature> skel - I want you to read it, silly.
<creature> I know for a compsci books can be confusing, but it's really very easy.
<creature> Instead of pressing "page down", you turn the page.
*** Morti is now known as Morti|Cleaning
<Tiggs> oh my life Morti's dangerous :S
<skel> O.o what morti doing?
<Tiggs> defrosting the freezer ..... with a lighter and bodyspray ...
<skel> rofl
* skel notes never to ask morti for help with cleaning
[Danforth reading spam...]
<Danforth> Text from home on your pc and earn $$$$$$$$$. Must be broad minded!(adult txting)
<Danforth> So you get paid to sit at a PC replying to random perverts
<Clarie> just like helpdesk
<Moof> the spanish get their exam results by SMS
<Danforth> Nifty.
<Danforth> U hav ph41led!!!
<Danforth> Uni xxx
* kimble didn't go down
<Moof> what you and barakta got up to int he privacy of your own home is nothing to do with us
<kimble> :p
* kimble shudders
<kimble> see, i have this unbreakable mental link between the prhrase "in the privacy of your own home" and karnaugh maps
* kimble had this mad digital circuits lecturer in her first year... he actually paused in the middle of a lecture, took a step back, admired what he'd drawn and muttered "they are rather pert, aren't they?"
[talking about telesales]
<creature> Today's prize for most amusing call: "Is Mr. Evans in?" "I'm sorry, he's died at the moment. Well, not at the moment, I mean..."
<Danforth> erm, anyone know if Oxfordshire is expensive?
<Danforth> as a place to live, rather than I am considering purchasing the county
<Skimble> Creature: You're just teasing us with the mental image of your naked body in bed, IRCing, aren't you?
<creature> Skimble - I never said I was naked. That's your imagination.
<creature> Although, I'm reclined on my bed, a sheet covering me from the small of my back to my thighs, softly lit by the gentle glow of the monitor.
<creature> </porn>
<pao> Tim: can you kick the ops for me please?
<Tim> phone them :)
<pao> it would help if the ops answered their phone
<Tim> they're not doing anything, I can see
<pao> it rings
<pao> it still rings
<pao> it keeps ringing
<pao> it still keeps ringing
<pao> it keeps still ringing
<pao> I am in a land of ring tones all alike
<Tim> what number?
<pao> 3351
<Tim> You're phoning Alan Beck in Drama
<pao> well he could at least answer
[Morti and Clarie singing "All things bright and beautiful" in channel]
* Clarie can sing that in sign language
<Clarie> watch
* Morti watches
<Clarie> see?
<Paul> very good
<Paul> "i guess you had to be there"
*** Shion has quit [Quit: Remember, no matter where you go, there you are]
* kimble thinks . o O ( that's a /quit message of a person who's never been to neasden )
<Moof> oh, and since it's topical:
<Moof> Allow me to dispel the rumors. My measurements are precisely 13.2842 cm x 4.445 cm in width. Anyone wanting diameter, provide a tape measure and I'll bloody give you that too!
<Moof> erm
<Moof> that was not what I wanted ot paste
<Moof> and is not me
<Moof> it's not like I have a ruler at that precision
<Moof> how do I set my path in the windows command line?
<Reaper> Moof: one brick at a time.
<mimic> i no i no
<Tiggs> "know"
<Paul> know
<mimic> lol
<Tiggs> :)
<mimic> hush biatches
<Paul> "bitches"
<Tiggs> "bitches"
<Sellars|gone> `12+
* Sellars|gone forgot that the keyboard was resting on the kitchen door as he opened it....
<Sellars|gone> kitchen = fridge
<Sellars|gone> you mayb notice i've just woken up
<Trapper> I will go to work
<Trapper> I'm still working on the motivation
<archmoo> I have that getting up in the morning occasionally. I think right I'll get up now and plan exactly how I'm going to do it, then fall asleep whilst I'm planning.
[red_pill is Trapper's brother]
* Trapper rereads real llife quotes for this year and remembers why she hasn't for so long
<Trapper> I look like such an idiot! >.<
<red_pill|wrighting> yep
<red_pill|wrighting> u are an idio-i mean i love you...
<_58fr> i could be a telephone answerererer for the bbc there
<Reaper> "hello, BBC Conventry" "Yes, we know, but there's not a lot we can do about it" "I know no one likes, them, really, but for some reason we have to show a soap to compete with the other channels, and Eastenders is the only one we have." "No, I know, if we showed something better we'd get the viewing public anyway" "yes, I am listening, you're making perfect sense, but I'm only employed to fob you off, so, goodbye."
Submissions and corrections to Adam Sampson <quotes@offog.org>