Computer Science quotes, 2004

Hi Folks,

I have received the following anonymous question:

i have no idea where the anonymous ANSWERS are

Thanks to everyone who helped out on Saturday at the Open Day. We put on
a very good show, and I got particularly positive feedback from people
who attended the panel.

The occasion also gave us a chance to solve the question of how many
computer scientists it takes to change a light bulb. Answer: three, who
(by first degree) happened to be a computer scientist, a physicist and a
mathematician ... .

Q. Can the communication in Lectures be a bit more clear in english? I
   often get confused towards reading between the lines as alot of the
   wording ends up being incorrect or sometimes flawed either through
   the slides or through lecture interpretation.
A. I am sorry if the lectures are not clear enough. There are things I
   can improve, and things I cannot (like my French accent and the
   numerous gallicisms I use.) If I was nasty, I would write that
   "clearer" would be better than "more clear", but I won't. After all,
   writing clearly at 1 am is not that easy.

Q. For example I was looking through the assignments and the wording
   sometimes is misleading or confusing as to what is being implied
   either explicitly or implicitly - or perhaps there is a typo?
A. Now I am getting confused. The assignment is not out yet.

Q. Whats the French for va va voom?
A. and then you complain you don't have enough free time...

A trick that I learned as a PhD student: always have something prepared
that your supervisor doesn't know about.

"How does the panel get appointed?"
"It gets magically created by the Wizard of Oz."
"Well, I have a spreadsheet..."

Hiding is one of the classic ways postgraduates don't get degrees.

"So how might you stop yourself getting a life in academia?"
"Slashdot."

"Your stuff isn't chronological."
"Well, the newest stuff is at the bottom."
"So it's archaeological rather than chronological, then."

I hadn't really realised this, but the thing that really excited the
Water Board was that they could sit in their office and watch it rain.

I have been reminded that I scheduled a short assessment for this week
in CO515.  I failed to do this, so will set a (very) short one next
week.

Now who remembers these? Can anyone even remember what PDA stands for?

And if you've done programming before, this is called a loop. If you
haven't done programming before... well.. it's still called a loop.

> While 'study skills' undoubtedly sounds a lot less interesting than
> 'treasure hunt', these techniques are potentially going to be really
> useful to you - and could well make the difference between ending up
> with a good degree, or - something else.

Y'see, you're presenting it wrong. You should have billed it as a
scavenger hunt yourself, "Commencing outside the library at 10.00
sharp".  At that point a librarian will come out and proclaim to the
assembled masses that "the treasure you seek is at the administrative
hub!". The students pile over to the registry, where they find a sign
stuck to the doors reading "Closed due to occupation - everyone
redirected to RLT1".  So everyone dashes over to RLT1, where you lock
all the doors and "reward" them with your study skills. :)

Q. Hi Still stuck on the same blinking question 2.3 I submitted the
   question quoting "Sorry this form re-aligns the coding!" The error
   message has now changed to: "void type not allowed here"! I have
   edited the first part of my code somewhat - I'm not sure what you
   mean when you say "the answer is let printDetails do the work for
   you" - am I not utilising the printDetails method from class Book? I
   am going outta my mind here - AAARRGH! With thanks.
A. Maybe it's time to go for a beer now and come back to it tomorrow...

Q. i realy dont know what to say. I got confused in Q 1.5 of the
   coursework 2.  is the Arrylist what we have to do with it? i
   extreamly feel that i dont know any thing about Java after i read
   this Q.  plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me i dont
   wanna lose marks on it plzzzzzzzzzzzzz
A. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook ok ok ok. No need to
   abuse your keyboard, the answer won't come any faster. My advice is:
   Read all the question about 1.5 below, it should help.

Q. How can you make a question appear backwards in java using looping?
A. ??? naem uoy tahw wonk t`noD.

This is a library, a small library, five books... I don't know, maybe
George Bush's library.

Q. I've just noticed that you want pp after the number for the length of
   the book. I haven't put pp does it matter as I can't be bothered to
   change it if it doesn't.
A. It took you longer to write that mail than to change your code.
   You're wasting my time as I have to answer it, and then your class
   supervisor will lose some more time writing a comment about it...Oh
   man, I'll make sure you lose some marks for that!

Q. I needed help with the assignment who do I see?
A. Your class supervisor, myself, use this AQP, and read other people
   questions and the answers, your fellow sufferers, a psychic,...No
   lack of choice here.

Q. here is part of my code for shelf class:[ a lot of code removed...]
A. Good what am I supposed to do with it ?

Q. Is there any chance with any girls doing this course then??? Are we
   just all doomed to extinction?
A. Agony Aunt says: switching off your computer sometimes to do
   something else, in broad day light, may help.

Once upon a time, there were two sets: the set S, and the set T. This is
my bedtime story for people who start sleeping instead of doing Z.

Q. You mention in the assessment that 'the closing date for submission
   is 00:05 on Monday 15th November 2004'. Do you mean that it has to be
   submitted on the midnight between Sunday and Monday or on the one
   between Monday and Tuesday?
A. Very first thing on Monday morning = 5 minutes after the clock
   strikes 12 on the Sunday night! So watch out Cinders else your code
   will turn into a pumpkin.

Q. How do I get an IRC client and how do I get on mIRC?
A. I wouldn't like to be responsible for destroying your social life...

Q. 1.6
A. Interesting minimalist concept.

Q. What does J stand for in all that rubbish which you put on the board
   on tuesday?
A. Rubbish! What rubbish? Could you possibly be referring to that
   superbly structured and beautifully presented mathematical exposition
   last lecture!??

Q. Can I hug you at the end of a lecture please?
A. Er...No.

[1st December 2004]
Q. Thankyou for your generous deadline on assessment 4.
   Quote: "Due 15th December 2005" on your PDF description.
   I'll try to get it handed in before that date.
A. Haven't you read the small prints ?
   1.  DISCLAIMER.

      TO THE EXTENT ALLOWED BY LOCAL LAW, THIS ASSIGNMENT DESCRIPTION
      IS PROVIDED TO YOU "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF
      ANY KIND, WHETHER ORAL OR WRITTEN, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. MC
      SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIMS ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF
      MERCHANTABILITY, SATISFACTORY QUALITY, NON-INFRINGEMENT, TITLE,
      ACCURACY OF INFORMATIONAL CONTENT, AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR
      PURPOSE. THE ENTIRE RISK AS TO THE RESULTS AND PERFORMANCE OF
      THIS ASSIGNMENT IS ASSUMED BY YOU. NO ORAL OR WRITTEN
      INFORMATION OR ADVICE GIVEN BY MC OR MC'S AUTHORIZED
      REPRESENTATIVES SHALL CREATE A WARRANTY OR AMEND THIS "AS IS"
      WARRANTY.

    Cut & pasted (almost as is) from a very famous software vendor.

Q. What is your favourite sport?
A. Keyboard throwing. ;-)

Q. Do you expect the essay handwritten or is typed ok?
A. I would very much prefer it to be typed! I do not propose to perform
   graphological analysis...

Dear co602'er,

I was told that one person fell asleep in the last lecture.

That person will have missed the fact that I made some corrections on
slides 42 and 43 in the lecture.

For each predicate P, it exhibits "P"-ness.

> What constitutes a good reason? :p

Something medical usually.  E.g. if you'd had your hands traumatised in
a freak boating accident and can't write properly anymore.

Thanks, Alex - I'll take that statement as definitive, particularly
given that, whatever the room number, I should probably try giving my
lectures where you lot actually are...

[...]

Moral: If you want to get the facts straight, ignore the intranet - just
ask a student...

Q. If i was to touch you, will i become the ultimate java dude?
A. I thought about setting up a sect. If you draft enough money into my
   account, I _may_ let you be my first believer.

Q. I still can't get getLane(Horse h) to work when called from the
   object bench from Race. Keeps saying horses (which is the Array I use
   to store the horses in Race) is private in Race. Does it work
   alright in your solution? Got any ideas of what I can do?
A. No I couldn't get it to work in my solution. That's why I asked for
   it in the assignment, I thought "Surely some clever kid is going to
   find a solution for me" :-) ... [...]

Q. How do we get a '/' to appear on the interface?
A. You type '/'. Curious, isn't it ?

... so we don't care about that.

Well, we *do*, but it makes the papers longer if we do, so we don't.

Q. Can you explain the mathematical formulae for the bisection method in
   english please?

A. Take the values of the two end-points of the interval, add them
   together and divide by 2 and call this value c, evaluate the function
   at the point c. If this value is the same sign as the value obtained
   by evaluating the function at the left hand end-point overwrite the
   left hand endpoint with c otherwise overwrite the right hand
   end-point with c. Carry on doing this until you have an accurate
   enough result.

   The above is the reason people invented mathematics.

We'll throw it away for them.

We appear to have a member of staff who is addicted to teabags -- last
Monday just over 100 teabags were (apparently) used in under 24 hours
that's more than were used during the rest of the week. Someone has a
very serious tea habit (which only appears to afflict them on odd
occassions). If they would like to identify themselves the director has
agreed to help organize rehab for them.

Unfortunately this is not an isolated incident there are also people
wandering around the department who are obviously mainlining instant
coffee and sugar. (Snorting sugar doesn't work.)

Les Hutton would usually give a couple of lectures on Critical C, but
unfortunately he isn't with us any more.

[realising what he just said]
No! He hasn't died, he's moved to another university!

> Dear all,
> For those who were not at the lecture today, this message is just to
> say that we have now finished all of the co602 material.
> Good luck with the exams, Andy

And, presumably, to all those students not named Andy as well?

> ... and, indeed, back when I did CO516 a couple of years ago, the C
> assignment was to implement Life.

They expect you to create life these days? Geez, when I were a lad we
just had to write programs...

Q. In your answer to question 150, you say that every room in your house
   has a network connection. Does this include the bathroom?!

A. Since I don't have a self powered machine at present, and mains
   electricity in bathrooms is strictly controlled by the IEE Wiring
   Regulations, no. My bathroom isn't big enough to allow a suitable
   'safety zone' as per the regulations.

   Since I'm a member of the IEE, I really ought to get this right!

Q. Will you be answering annon Q's before the exam?
A. Looks like it.

Q. Just checking can we have as many fields (variables) as we like?
A. Yes and you can have as many blank lines as you like as well.

I did like his "anwser in less than 20 words" question though. I think
he's been reading too many cereal boxes over breakfast.... "I want to go
to butlins because...." :)

Q. plaese dont make the exam to hard ?
A. It's a bit late for that plea. The exam was finished sometime in
   january

Q. how would u go about answering question 3 from last years c0309 exam
   paper?
A. I don't know, how would you go about it ?

Gaming is great! Gaming is linear algebra.